Apparently when it comes to relationships these days, everyone's a wimp.

A couple of months ago, I learned that it's not kosher to like the person that you're with. So so so, it's ok to screw around with 'em but you cannot like them. Once you do, someone dies...or will. Like woa, y'all.

Why do we have to be so freaking scared? Is it a crime to like the person we're with? Or has the media and our continually warped society conditioned us to nitpick everything about our partners so that we're never happy or we can never be sure of them? Why live in paranoia?

Case in point: I was going through a tough time in my previous relationship. The ex's ex has thrown a spanner in the works and it was giving me sleepless nights that they were meeting and talking. He gave no reassurances and I was a mess, attempting to remain calm while the man I liked was thinking about another.

When I confided this to a guy friend, he simply said: why did you go and like this man? The genius goes on to clarify: sleeping with him is ok, but liking him is out of the question. Did he say he likes you?

What did I just transcend into another dimension? Am I being punk'd? Am I still stuck in secondary school?  

When I stopped gaping, I thought:  Wait...why am I still friends with you again? Why are you so scared? According to the genius. its about protecting your heart but letting your d!@# hang free. WTF.  It's no wonder that he gets into all sorts of scraps with a variety of creatures and is unable to hold on to the woman he really likes.

It is also this type of warped thinking by men and women that makes people doubt themselves to the extent that everyone lives in fear. No one wants to commit, even saying 'I like you' is tantamount to a declaration of grand love. People are crippled by an inability to even express affection, but they don't have trouble fucking around or playing with others' feelings. What the hell is going on?  

Just because a man/woman is scared, indecisive and doubtful doesn't mean that you have to be too. To be honest, I'm not as brave as I sound - I've been hurt many times too. But at the same time, I won't let self doubt cramp my style. Naive? No...I'd rather be upfront about my intentions so that there is no mistaking what I want. Games are for kids.

Who Cares What Women (or Men) Want—What Do You Want? and  The Wrong Reason to Get Married—and the Right Way to Think about It. So what does a single girl like me know about being in a relationship, you ask? Well, what I can say is that, in finding the right mate, I will try as much as I can to stay as true to myself and my beliefs as much as I can. 

In the blink of an eye, it's already March.
Work is picking up steadily, we have six weeks or so to prepare for the India salsa festival, West Coast Swing is finally working for me and I am feeling a little happier about where I am personally. It's been a somewhat tricky time at home but the good news is, that things are moving in a more positive direction now.
On the personal front, it's nice to spend my birthday and for once, Valentine's with a really cool person. What I don't appreciate are people asking me a barrage of questions about where all this is heading in the attempt to suss me out. Just why on earth would you ask someone you barely know about their personal life?
Bloody hell. I know that we are all obsessed with finding The One, but please refrain from getting all excited on my behalf. I actually like the way things are now, so if you see me out, just smile and say hi, don't get too excited. Don't make me kill you for no good reason.
Moving right along...
When it comes to relationships, I learned that girls and guys have very much the same reactions and feelings to certain things. It's funny but somewhat true. I've been having a few conversations on the topic with a close circle of friends and it's pretty interesting and sometimes too bloody amusing to say the least. 

• Men get nervous about the woman's reactions. Why the hell do they always think we will go mad about everything. Really, if you avoid the PMS period, all is good.
• Women get nervous when men don't react. Men, wake up, if she asks you a question, she definitely wants to know what you think. And if she goes crazy, its probably because you didn't respond.
• Sex may kill or boost a relationship. We are not on TV, we don't have to jump straight into sex.
• We all over analyze. To the point of driving ourselves and our friends nuts.
• We all have no clue what the other party is thinking....and no, age has nothing to do with gaining telepathic powers. The only ones with that power are our mums.
• Communication is about talking about things...anything! Not just about saying 'I miss you' at odd times of the day. 
• Talking about your ideal relationship or where you want things to be doesn't mean that you have to have all this right now. Take a chill pill and enjoy the ride!
• Asking questions and opening up is scary! Remember, it's about discovery, not about being part of the Spanish Inquisition.

Back from a well-deserved break and flung into work madness :p The only difference that I can cotton to is that things seem to move a heck lot faster. Thank God I have the energy and the cells to burn. 

The break was a good chance to catch up with girlfriends and get a look into what goes on in their heads when it comes to searching for their man. It's quite funny to realize that no matter how old or young we are, women still have similar quirks, especially when it boils down to looking for their partner. The following list was compiled on the back of a good night out. Note: By good, I mean with lots of booze and similar minded (read: kaypoh) people who indulged us in our oftimes mad jabberings.

I present to you, the modern woman's man-hunting-must-have checklist *unveils with flourish*. Please note that this list is not something that one should strictly adhere to, and especially not after or during a drunken night out:

• Must be able to pay his own rent. The modern woman is capable of earning her own money and  buying her own diamonds. Today, we realize how expensive things are and the most we are asking for is for the man to be able to support himself and pay his own way. Bums need not apply...we have enough trouble trying to support ourselves, we do not need you to contribute to our expenses. Expensive dinners and holidays once in a while are a bonus, not a mandate.
• Good looking. Or rather, good looking to us. Somewhere out there is a woman who thinks that Steven Lim is cute (God save us all *prays*). As for me, I just want my man to be good looking enough and hopefully presentable enough that he won't scare away kids and creatures. 
• Able to drive. This one is in the list because one girlfriend and me can't drive. The ability to drive comes in handy especially when we plan road trips. Someone who can drive us would be great. But at the same time, we realize that we'd have to learn to drive to. Whether he has a car or not is not a hard and fast rule.
• Tall... as in 6 ft and above. Tom Cruise, you can balik to your sofa! For a bunch of short girls, we reserve the right to be demanding in some things!  
• Well endowed. Uh, I can't say for sure how this particular one made the list. Ok, ok so some of my ladies have their demands, nothing wrong. All I'm saying is that he better damn well know what to do with it! God knows, some men are useless at knowing what to do. Uselessness is a deal-breaker for sure.
  
• Good in bed. Now this one is somewhat underrated. I've been with some guys who are cute but shite in bed and not so cute guys who are amazing. Ok, by good in bed, I mean leaving you both in a sweaty, messy heap, jelly-kneed and needing a post-coitus fag. However, this is a lucky dip kind of requirement. That said, being good in bed does make the deal a heck lot sweeter. 

Picture thanks to Tom Phillips

Mondays.

On days such as these, I just do NOT want to be in the office or anywhere near work.  I am generally grouchy and it’s best to stay away.

There is something about Mondays that just pisses me off. So it is the day where work begins for most of us, cue nonsense people calling, work piling up and things that won’t work smoothly. I just end up like Garfield – wanted to pull my blanket over my head and hide from the world while I ‘work out’ my issues with the day. Don’t get me wrong, I generally like my work. I just despise Mondays.

Then I find out that a guy friend of mine got hitched over the weekend.  Cue small panic attack.

Just when you think that Monday couldn’t get worse, it almost imperceptibly does. So why am I all panicked?

To me, this friend represents the type of expat who maximises his time in Asia. The type who lives the bachelor high-life, who does not really commit and is totally living for the moment. Ok, to his advantage, he was going out with his current girlfriend for sometime before tying the knot but still, him getting married just brings out the totally irrational feelings in me. If this clown can get married to the ‘simple’ girl he desires, what about me?

*breathes into a brown bag* Ok, ok so having a pity party for one is not so hot. But I’m human that way.
Now, don’t get carried away and think that I have any feelings for this clown. I don’t and never did. It’s been an amusing ride, watching him go through all the motions and I’m glad that he’s found his right woman but this post is about me.

It’s incredible how female friends who get married don’t rankle as much. But when male friends do, it is a bloody event. I feel like a mother whose child has finally grown up and found his feet - a totally ‘aww, my boy is finally getting married’ misty moment. I guess it’s just the fact that I thought these guys would never tire and settle down. Why? Because at any one time, the guys are always ‘on the hunt’ they never seem satisfied with what they have. Somehow younger, bigger tits and sleeker or just generally better looking is what they seem to seek. Brains seem to be optional.

It’s like a swift kick in the stomach. It brings up questions like: What am I doing about my life? Why am I still single? Am I not meeting the right people?  Am I too cynical to love? Will I be alone? One particularly tragic-comic incident was the strange dream of me being married to Ryan Reynolds and having totally warm and fuzzy feelings (this is some weird Canadian connection, I’m sure) Am I going bonkers? ARGH! Channelling angst into my dreams! GAH!

I do get these feelings once in a while. Just a couple of twinges but nothing I can’t handle. To have the twinges extend to this is hysterically bad. *tries to calm down* Ok, ok…looks like some cheering up is inorder.  In view that this is a Monday, I guess I can get away with a small pity party.

Tomorrow, things will fall back into equilibrium. For now, I will panic and then get over it.

Yea, I'm looking for a Sugar Daddy. Someone who can support my materialistic desires, isn't that what every girl is looking for? Going to be a sheep for just once to see where this gets me. Heh. Just a little something to ponder over from a series of things that happened over the past few weeks. A full post to come!

The English poet, Percy Bysshe Shelley once wrote: "Nothing in the world is single, all things by a law divine, in one another's being mingle, why not I with thine?"

Relationships are tricky. Regardless of what you know or think you know or maybe hear; things almost never manage to fall into place like magic or the movies unless you have planned for them or worked for them. Don't believe me? Go ask married couples with the 'perfect marriage'. These couples will probably tell you that it takes both parties to work to keep their relationship strong. Despite what people say, everyone is looking for their significant other. The romantic would say they will meet, get struck by love and get married. The cynic views it as a ball and chain. 

I'm of the opinion that there are no short cuts to any relationships. You need to take the time to meet people and spend enough time with them before you decide if you want to take things to another level with that one person. Putting a timeline on love is a recipe for disaster.

The Singapore mentality on relationships simply kills me. Dear Gahmen, why do you have to instil constant rush into our lives? Do you realize that people my age are going mad? I blame you for giving them the notion that they need to marry and have babies like, NOW. Everything is NOW. But while you’re at it, dear powers-that-be, why don’t you throw in grooming lessons too? You should subsidize Singapore Neanderthals so that they can at least look a smidge more presentable before they club and drag their unsuspecting other half off to fulfil a national duty. Why look a bit better? Because regardless of we all say, looks don’t count and all that bullshit, we all look at the packaging first.

Frighteningly, this ‘rushed’ mentality seems to be the case with single people my age.

Although I too, am seeking my significant other, my chosen road includes, taking enough time to see if my potential half has ideals that match or clash with mine. I’d like to know if he has other ideals that I should take note of. I’ve also come to the realization that if I do not chance upon him, then it’s back to plan B, build my own harem or plan C, buy my own place. 

In conversations with people, I realize that this is a slightly unusual view because: (1) I like taking the time to decide (2) I have other plans other than plan A and (3) I expect the potential half to have expectations too. It made me think: If you have a list of requirements, shouldn't the other person have one? Why shouldn’t you jump through a few hoops too? Shortcomings, issues and whatnot can be worked around – it’s not the end of the world. Working through issues and compromising on some makes your relationship stronger. What I would consider a no-no is simply settling, unless that is what you seek in the first place.

What got me all flustered is that some friends view relationships as a one-way street. 'I want him/her to do this or that'... Yet, when asked, ‘have you thought about what your significant other wants/thinks?’  The response received is usually, ‘uh, I haven’t asked them’ or better yet, they get defensive.  

Is this what the modern relationship is? Two selfish people who come together with a list of what they want and talk over each other, pretending to listen, and later resenting it when the other party doesn’t understand. C’mon people, your significant other will only know you better if you listen to each other better and spend more time together.  

It makes me want to shake people sometimes, yelling: You are not alone in this world! There actually is someone else in your relationship. Open your eyes and look at the other person, cos you can bet your ass that they are looking at you too.

Dating has surely evolved a whole bunch since the time I started.

Not that I've suddenly turned into a dinosaur or something but it seems that 'dates' today revolve more around animal attraction and sex. Maybe its the media, the advent of so many online dating sites or just that people seem to go out and hook up more. I don't know. Maybe it's the paradigm of the so called 'fast food generation' where people expect things to happen faster. Let's f@#^ now, go out NOW, live together NOW, let's get married NOW. It's crazy! Where is the sense of mystery and romance in going out with someone new?

Remember people, no one will buy the cow when they can get the milk for free. And it's no wonder that divorces are also more instant now.

Then there is interracial dating. Now, you'd think that this is a normal thing, after all, we're so globalized now, right? Wrong. Last weekend, I was having a drink with a guy friend when another friend walked by. She waved hi, and within the next second, did a double take at my companion, went 'oh' and walked away giggling. I was a little stunned...it was slightly funny yet a bit disturbing. Why? Well, the friend I was having a drink with is West African. You'd think my other friend never saw a black man in her life. I thought, am I being overly sensitive? Was she laughing at me on a date? Or was it that having interracial friends are outside the norm?

If I was having a drink with a Caucasian or even Asian friend, she probably wouldn't look twice. It's odd, isn't it? There is still something to be said about people being very careful with who they associate with. Never mind that the friend I'm with is educated and has a good job, people just see black man and think 'danger'. Yet another example of media exposure or simply how we've been brought up?

I've dated guys outside my race before and I've never thought much about it. Perhaps its because I'm of dual race. I don't see anything wrong with dating any other race. I see the guy as simply another guy. What disturbs me about this whole thing is that people have double standards about interracial dating or even friends that you hang out with. Instead of questioning the choice or the race, shouldn't you be asking questions like: how is he treating you? What is he like? What are your similarities/differences?

I know that for some people, dating outside your race is something unthinkable.What I'm saying is that you should be more open-minded about it. If your friend chooses to do so, please do not go around labeling them with some derogatory name. If you start showing your prejudice, it allows others to start showing theirs too. Nothing ends a friendship faster than prejudice. Why can't we simply accept that the friend is seeing someone that really likes them? Wouldn't that be much easier playing the race card?

At the end of the day, interracial dating is something that we all have to be comfortable with. The world is growing smaller and so must our prejudices. So, go out, date whomever catches your fancy - and I mean date, as in go hang out first. That is probably the most fun part of getting to know a person. The rest will fall into place later.

Marriage seems like such a commodity these days that I can't help but think, are people really getting married because they are in love and committed to one another or are they just doing it to fit into society?

While I am happy for the people and friends who are getting married, there is a bit of a niggling feeling. Do you know what you are doing? Or are you getting married because all your friends are and therefore you should find some guy/girl and settle down as soon as possible? I've seen people do whatever it takes to get married, hang on to their partners, be in any relationship or get married than later become available. The cynic in me asks, can you truly say you are happy?

Call me a skeptic too but there used to be a time where relationships seemed less rushed. Today, it seems like people barely meet or have time to go out and learn about each oher before you hear that they are getting hitched. Or the ink is barely dry on tehr wedding papers when they are asking for a divorce. Are you people for real?! What the heck is the rush all about? What ever happened to taking the time to decide?

Taking the time to decide means that you are making a serious consideration about spending time with your partner. No one should be blamed for doing that. NO one should rush that process...don't second guess what you are doing because your friends are trying to push you to a decision. I say, decide carefully and tell your friends to fuck off.

I am aware that yea, we are all getting older and not everyone is cut out to be single. But really, have you looked before you leapt? Call me an old-fashioned thinker but I feel that there should be a time to get to know one another much better before taking that giant step. Or decide if that marriage is what you truly seek. Even if you chose to have fun and be single forever, that is a decision that no one (or even society) should take away from you.

Some people I know disagree about taking the time to decide. Why wait, when you know that this could be the right one? Don't get your panties in a twist, pleople. You can get married, I'm saying that you should you get to know a person better first. Can you tell them how you really feel inside? To open up yourself and be vulnerable to each other? If you have come to that stage, by all means. But if you still have that wall or are somehow unable to take that step in revealing your true person to your partner, then perhaps, you should think twice. Or take a longer dating process. This means hanging out together, with friends and family and not just screwing (yes, sex is important but its not the be all and end all.) Dating need not be a big production, people. I feel that simply getting married for the sake of and later discovering, oops, I made a mistake! Can we divorce please? That is farcical.

Its a point to ponder for sure. In my personal reflections, i think: would I be crazy enough to attempt all that, get what I want and later be bored with it? Or will my partner be that way? Relationships are a two way channel and both parties have to come to a compromise on what their ultimate goal is. In today's context, it seems that people just get to the goal and later somehow grapple with each other idiosyncrasies. 

Maybe its just me but its something that makes me go hmmm...comment?

Two seems like such a cool number, where there is always another half to the one and where it seems like you will never be alone. Well for me, this year two was rather disastrous because my troubles started with two. Two failed relationships that ended with two great surprises (or rather rude shocks). Two fucking horrible months where I didn't know whether I was coming or going, too many nights where I spent lying awake and wondering where things have gone wrong and one too many times where people told me ‘I told you so’.

I am so sick of people saying “I told you so’ – yes, so they did it to drive a point home. I got it! I fucking got it!

The thing about me and relationships is that I’m always one to jump fully in things. Foolish? Perhaps, but I don’t believe in doing things half measure and I really hate playing games. Sadly, it doesn’t mean that the other party is as crazy or as stupid as me. And of course, the hurt comes in full measures too but you know what? It’s human to feel hurt, anger and happiness, the whole gamut of feelings. I simply cannot turn my feelings on and off like working a tap or a light switch. What I am learning to do is to be more cautious and wary. Not that I wasn’t in the first place but I’m much more so now.

After all that’s happened, I feel trampled. It’s like stomping out a cigarette…my heart feels just like the cigarette no, all squished and raw. I have moments where I reflect and think ‘why couldn’t’ things have worked out?’ and then there are moments when I get totally pissed off about the way things have gone. After a while, I get into a state of numbness and nothing comes through. I just don’t feel anything. Everything goes on auto pilot and I just function.

When things came to a head, I confronted the other half. I’m not one of those people who will simply walk away from things. When shit hits the fan, I will be right there asking ‘what the hell caused that?’ Confrontational? Hell yes, I don’t like being the last to find out what I giant fool I was. I don’t like not knowing and if you think you can take advantage of me and simply pretend that things didn’t happen or that things were fine, think again. The truth hurt like a bitch but at the end of the day, I’d rather walk away knowing what happened and be hurt than just walk away and live the rest of my life stewing. Coulda, shoulda woulda…that is not me.

Was I completely blameless in all that had happened? No. Admittedly I did some things which I’m not proud of. My flaws are all there and I can never say that I was innocent of my actions. No one is blameless but at the end of the day, I’m coming to terms with all that has happened. I learned that my gut feeling is always right and this time it proved to be stubbornly so, despite me hoping that I can change things. Sometimes being right does not mean winning battle, it also means walking away when you know that the battle is not worth it. It stings when such things happen and it’s a tough lesson learnt but I’m glad that it’s over.

I’m grateful to the friends that I have, who bothered to listen to me rant and cry, plus those who’ve shared lots of words or emails of wisdom. I appreciate the shared war stories and words of comfort and hugs. I apologize to the people that I’ve scared with the crying – I’m not a regular fountain and also to those that I’ve unintentionally hurt.

But above all, I’d like to extend bitter thanks to the two biggest b^!@#$%W who caused me all this misery in the first place. For making me realize that nothing you said amounted to anything, for showing me that trust and my heart should be earned and most of all, for thinking that I would never find out.

I did. Boo to you.

I’m still angry but I’m thankful to the one who actually apologized and had the balls to address his faults. There may still be hope for you yet!

I have nothing nice to say about the other one who didn’t even bother to acknowledge that there was a problem in the first place and believed that things are fine because you wanted me to believe it. What I lost was the respect for you and the belief that you were someone who could achieve great things. I now see why you feel trapped, friendless and lost most of the time. You are the victim of your own stupid mistakes and arrogance. You chose to be a spineless coward who picks the path of least resistance and by hiding behind the skirts of your family. You probably didn’t think much of what we had, well, that’s ok. One day you will meet your match and she will be hell. I hope you survive it and learn to become a better person.

For now, I’m going to take some time out to reflect on the things that happened and to take time to heal. Just live for myself and appreciate the people that I have around me.

Rollercoaster, exhausting, whirlwind: three words I’d use to describe 2008. If you’ve been reading this blog, I am finally catching a breather by being on a well-deserved holiday now.

Work is mostly crazy and exhausting, especially in the latter half of the year. While madness prevailed at the beginning and middle of these projects, I did feel a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment by the time they concluded. A few of the projects were really interesting because of the new challenges they presented and the interesting people that I’ve come into contact with, while one project in particular one stuck out for being too ridiculous in the obstacles which kept being thrown at us. You know which one this is.

Where work is concerned, I’ve got a stronger perspective and I’m on surer footing of where I am headed. I just hope that people won’t overwork me as madly as they did this year. That above all was the most unrewarding part of the work; to be on endless projects without a breather or even a proper brief.

This year was also the year of the firsts. While I can’t mention all of them here, there are the highlights where I

• Explored the underground tunnels and war memorials of bloody hot Darwin under the watchful eye of the police
• Learned how to make spaghetti carbonara from scratch and appreciate jazz in a whole new light
• Had lots and lots of delicious martinis at Morton’s with many adventuresome friends
• Got me eyeballs sliced for vanity’s sake (yes, I am woman, hence vanity is mandated)
• Performed at a packed-out venues with many Ah Pek gatals (old pervs)
  
• Turned up at work as a clone
• Fell in love all over again with…my nieces from afar. As to whether I’ve have fallen in love, well, we’ll see….

This post is dedicated to the acquaintances who gradually became close friends that have shared a few exhilarating adventures and opened their lives to me. You guys made my life richer and that much more interesting for just being there.

Then there are the close friends who have moved away but it still feels as though they have never left. Despite being a continent away, they’re always clued into the best gossip. Dammit, macham wire service! Along the way I’ve turned away from people who have been less of a friend than someone I never really knew in the first place.

And then there are the loved ones who I had to say goodbye to. It’s inevitable but there have been one too many funerals in the family. I, for one will deeply miss you, mama.

On a personal reflection, I’ve learnt to let go somewhat and go with the flow. I guess this my way of managing my own expectations. Little by little, I’m better at recognizing that not everyone is as opinionated as I nor do they adhere to the same standards as me. Easier said than done and I’m still grappling with some of these expectations. Ah well…baby steps, right?

As for that New Year’s resolution? I’m definitely as keen as the next person to see what is in store for me. And yes, I do have some wishes and hopes for 2009 but these have to be kept in the heart, for only then would it come true :o)

Since I returned from Darwin, I’ve attended two funerals. One was my grandma and last night, I attended the wake of her sister (my grandaunt). It caught everyone by surprise that our grandaunt passed on so suddenly, for she was neither sick nor ailing.

It’s an emotionally battering period for everyone in the family when the matriarchs are slowly making their exits. My grandma and her sisters have held the family together for decades. Now there are so few of them left. These are the women who raised us, and taught us everything they knew.

And they were very talented too. Grandma and her sisters could make anything with their hands; from sewing the traditional kasut manek manek (beaded slippers), to cooking every single Peranakan dish, fashioning inventive desserts and birthday cakes, making clothes for the girls and just creating handicrafts out of household items. Come to think of it, they were the original Martha Stewart before she brought home-style living to popular culture today.

While almost all my aunts have inherited or learnt the crafts from our grandmothers, it’s sad that not many in my generation have done so. I’m probably one of the very few in the family who can still understand and converse in Peranakan and even whip up some of the dishes, while most of my cousins can’t.

While at the wake last night, my aunts came up to me to commend me on the eulogy that I delivered at Grandma’s funeral: “You sounded exactly like her, when you said that,” they commented. Ah, the anecdotes that I can tell from being raised by my grandparents! When such loving, yet strong-willed people raise you, it’s a wonder that you don’t start sounding or even behaving a little like them after some time.

From death my thoughts shifted to love. My old friend, Mr Mogel finally sent me a picture of his adorable kids. I’m not much of a fan of kids but the picture absolutely melted my heart, I’d post them online but I don’t know how comfortable he is about that, so I’ll refrain.

For a bittersweet moment, it made me long for things that I’ve much thought to lately and actually feel things that I’ve kept inside for so long.

I wasn't much of a Coldplay fan until A Rush of Blood to the Head but at times, I get caught up in Chris Martin's lyrics Looking at where I am now and things I have to consider, this song is a bittersweet wake-up call.

It makes me think ...I've done my dues over time. Whether it was in making things happen, holding together or taking care of things and people that need my attention. But in times such as these, when I need some respite...just who can I rely on? Yea, I know that I have a great support network and people who love me but still, sometimes when you're in a funk like this, it's hard to get out of.

Then I came across this video featuring Jason Mraz and Kyle Glass of Tenacious D. and it made my world a slightly happier place. This is also the reason why I am picking SingFest over the Deathcab for Cutie concert (which has already sold out, as I blog).

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
Or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
In secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in
Itself the light of hidden flowers;
Thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
Risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

That this: where I does not exist, nor you,
So close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
So close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Pablo Neruda (Jul 12, 1904 - Sept 23, 1973)

Because I feel, because I need to express, because I am inspired, Because.

Which is yet another career option if the whole PR holoobaloo falls through. Gosh knows I've got enough stored angst to write a novella of sorts ;P

I came across this little nugget while doing media monitoring this week...it's also the reason why I love quirky white boys, like Jason Mraz: "As I get older, the more I truly enjoy being single. The more I'm single, the more I blog about it." And it's like - hey, that's whay I blog too! Well...that's part of the reason - mostly I blog to whine about work and bitch about some deserving parties.

I commiserated over singleton status with one of my close friends, whose constantly been unlucky in the dating scene and had a good laugh. We came to the conclusion that well, people as a whole will never reallybe satisfied with the lot they've been given. And if they are, they're compelled to bitch about something because being happy for the sake of it is just not done.

We've been asked a few times why we haven't gotten together and well, frankly, people - it's like a frigging disaster waiting to happen...kinda like Airplane!