No sunlight

The last few weeks were absolutely crazy; with totally mad clients (you know who you are, !@#@!#-kers!), a jam packed work and practice schedule and performance anxiety, all rolled up into one.

Tired does not even begin to describe everything, my friends.

Although this was not my first performance, I can definitely say that it is one of the more interesting. Practices were more focused on technicalities and execution rather than just going through the motions - we were all called out at one time or another for not emphasizing steps. It was, however, the first time I was so afflicted by performance anxiety, that I lost some of the choreography. Sigh. Now it's back to the training room for me. More practice and the next performance, I will be better, dammit.

What was an unexpected, yet expected sideshow was the pervy Ah Peks...who, bloody hell, whipped out cameras the moment we went onstage. Sadly, no one keeled over from the 2nd & 3rd floors - it would've been a kick ;o) I'd say this is part and parcel of performing and something that we can't control though. But I love it still...ticks and all ;o)

And then there were the adventures on technology-land, where I tried to install my bloody webcam at home. It was mildly traumatizing, as the disc for the first cam couldn't work. But thanks to my intrepid colleague, I got another one which worked. Although, the first time I saw myself, I almost fell off my chair...scary panda! Woa! next time, must wear concealer, man...tak boleh tahan!

All I can say is, I can't wait for the 25th! Hello island, hello mandi bunga!

When will I see your face again

But what's the bitter, without the sweet? I am a huge, HUGE comic book, or graphic novel (damn you freaky people!) fan and here's what's in store for all my kind next year. Yes, I would be one of those geeks who aspires to go to Comic-Con... does any one want to make my wish/xmas/birthday present come true?

Stitched up

Sliced up, kneaded, crimped, stapled, pounded upon, stretched out, stuffed into and stitched up…the list goes on.

Sometimes, being a woman is kind of like being Frankenstein’s monster. Why? Because in your own twisted way, you create your very own monster to fulfill your notion of beauty. And for once in my life, I can say I’ve actually succumbed to this. I’m not just talking about slapping on some make-up to enhance features that I already have but changing a major aspect of my lifestyle to accommodate something new.

No, I am not pregnant…oy! No, I didn’t get a pet…my mother is too afraid of the furries…before your imagination goes into overdrive, here’s a hint. It’s safe to say that if you chance upon me one of these days, I’ll be missing the one key element that I’m most recognized for.

Well, all the better to beliak at you with, as they say in my family. It’s a weird, if permanent adjustment that I’m still getting used to. I still touch the side of my temple or the bridge of my nose in fond reminiscence and actually spent the better half of five minutes this morning searching for my beloved abandoned appendage. Oh, that and the fact that I am still getting used to the stranger in the mirror.

All in the name of vanity, right? At least now, I can dance without chucking them into the audience, wear eye make-up and perhaps even wakeboard again. The weird effect that I’m still trying to live with is of course, the strange halo effect that hangs around the edges of things that I look at. Ok people, for once, you all can claim that you are angels. Heh.

Oh and if after reading all this you are still wondering what the hell I did, it’s Lasik dah. Bodoh seh you, right? Tsk, tsk tsk…

The entire procedure was a quick and pretty painless. But harrowing for me…with my innate fear of needles, blades, and uh doctors, I actually managed to get a hold of my fears up until the last moment. This was after they held stuck down my eyelid and my eye in place with the corneal suction ring, then I heard the bloody metal blade go ‘schlep’ and almost fainted dead away…was too numb to even respond to the doctor and instead relied on hand gestures to indicate that I was ok.

The good thing is that, you can see the improvements straight after surgery. The fact that I could actually read my nurses’ name tag almost made me burst into tears. After 20 years in glasses, you cannot imagine the feeling of being able to see unaided. The feeling of like 'woa!' almost reminded me of the time when I went to bed with my glasses on and woke up thinking: "OMG, it's a miracle!"

Meanwhile, I’m resting at home, taking care of my eyes and trying to adjust to my new vision without trying to strain them overmuch. The girls on the other hand, are plotting things which I am afraid to name and will probably face sooner or later. Will probably turn me into the Bride of Frankenstein, or something…They are scary, I tell you.

I suppose I'll worry about that when the time comes...in the meantime, I’ll be seeing you.

It's only words

Or so they say. I seem to be on a roll... This spawned from another friend's obsession with word clouds. The one in black was created by linking it through this blog while the one in white is from a paragraph i stumbled across in a book that I was reading recently. Now I'm bloody fascinated...go check out Wordle to create your own. :o)

In love, in death

Since I returned from Darwin, I’ve attended two funerals. One was my grandma and last night, I attended the wake of her sister (my grandaunt). It caught everyone by surprise that our grandaunt passed on so suddenly, for she was neither sick nor ailing.

It’s an emotionally battering period for everyone in the family when the matriarchs are slowly making their exits. My grandma and her sisters have held the family together for decades. Now there are so few of them left. These are the women who raised us, and taught us everything they knew.

And they were very talented too. Grandma and her sisters could make anything with their hands; from sewing the traditional kasut manek manek (beaded slippers), to cooking every single Peranakan dish, fashioning inventive desserts and birthday cakes, making clothes for the girls and just creating handicrafts out of household items. Come to think of it, they were the original Martha Stewart before she brought home-style living to popular culture today.

While almost all my aunts have inherited or learnt the crafts from our grandmothers, it’s sad that not many in my generation have done so. I’m probably one of the very few in the family who can still understand and converse in Peranakan and even whip up some of the dishes, while most of my cousins can’t.

While at the wake last night, my aunts came up to me to commend me on the eulogy that I delivered at Grandma’s funeral: “You sounded exactly like her, when you said that,” they commented. Ah, the anecdotes that I can tell from being raised by my grandparents! When such loving, yet strong-willed people raise you, it’s a wonder that you don’t start sounding or even behaving a little like them after some time.

From death my thoughts shifted to love. My old friend, Mr Mogel finally sent me a picture of his adorable kids. I’m not much of a fan of kids but the picture absolutely melted my heart, I’d post them online but I don’t know how comfortable he is about that, so I’ll refrain.

For a bittersweet moment, it made me long for things that I’ve much thought to lately and actually feel things that I’ve kept inside for so long.

Lights wil guide you home

I wasn't much of a Coldplay fan until A Rush of Blood to the Head but at times, I get caught up in Chris Martin's lyrics Looking at where I am now and things I have to consider, this song is a bittersweet wake-up call.

It makes me think ...I've done my dues over time. Whether it was in making things happen, holding together or taking care of things and people that need my attention. But in times such as these, when I need some respite...just who can I rely on? Yea, I know that I have a great support network and people who love me but still, sometimes when you're in a funk like this, it's hard to get out of.

Then I came across this video featuring Jason Mraz and Kyle Glass of Tenacious D. and it made my world a slightly happier place. This is also the reason why I am picking SingFest over the Deathcab for Cutie concert (which has already sold out, as I blog).

The White Rabbit

Located at 39C Harding Road, The White Rabbit is the latest addition to Singapore’s dining scene. Opened by the guys who also own Loof, this is certainly one of the more interesting dining experiences that I’ve had in recent memory.

What’s good: Its location and ambience. What used to be the old Ebenezer Chapel, has now been wonderfully restored. While, the wide hall and spacious seating areas gives diners a sense of space, the little dining alcoves on the side provide intimacy for groups or even couples.

What’s great: Oh, definitely the food. From presentation to taste, everything was prepared with much flourish and love. And it shows, especially after the first bite. What comes highly recommended is the foie gras as a starter as well as the prawn bisque which is reminiscent of the hearty soups that you’d have after a long day at work. The lamb chops that I had were very nicely cooked and tender. For those who are not too fond of the gamey smell of lamb, this version comes with breadcrumbs of mint with a hint of wasabi. Very tasty. But the winner of the night was definitely the Mac & Cheese. It reminded one of a sense of home and a very old-school Americana feeling. Simply de-lish. The desserts were another thing entirely, from the Dark Chocolate Mousse to the Mars Bar Soufflé and the Baked Alaskan was a delight to the senses. Very well presented and not too sweet to the palate, it is safe to say that everything was polished off the plates regardless of how full we were to start of with.

What could be improved: At the risk of being overly picky, I’d say, the lighting. While striving for intimacy in such a big space, it would be great if you guys could add a wee bit more light at the table so that we can see our food better. Note: I sincerely apologize at my supremely horrendous photography skill, which had nothing to do with the lighting.

Overall, we had a fantastic experience which was supplemented by The White Rabbit’s very experienced and friendly service staff. Kudos, guys!

A beautiful mess

The vacation in Darwin was fantastic :o) While I honestly wouldn’t recommend Darwin as a choice holiday destination for any keen travelers, I had a wonderful time with my friends.

Who knew traveling with new friends could be such fun? Add that to the serious lack of attractions, shopping and even nightlife and I’d say that we actually managed quite well despite the challenges. The one hilarious thing was that the fly boys were in town and it was a real treat to stumble on the rather impromptu air show and of course, lots of men in uniform. J, my lost friend, I wish you were there with me at that moment…cos you would’ve gone nuts.

The one terribly sad thing about the holiday was the passing of my maternal grandma. She was 89 and certainly lived very full life. The good thing is that she passed peacefully. My maternal grandparents were the ones who raised my sister and I as well as two of my younger cousins and we were all very close.

It was quite a shock to receive a call in Darwin informing me that grandma was ailing and later, when the doctor came, she seemed to be responding to the medicine. I certainly wasn’t expecting to receive a call saying that she passed on later in the night. The family understood enough to know that another cousin and I were away so they didn’t ask us to return. I was lucky…I made it back in time for the funeral.

Funerals in the family are sad, if slightly weird affairs because laughter is mixed within the sadness. It’s a coping measure that helps us all pull through, so there were almost as much tears as there was laughter when the entire family came to pay respects.

While writing the eulogy, we debated on whether we could swear at the service. Yes, oddly enough, one of grandma’s pet phrases while we were growing up was this particular one. And everyone knew it ;o) At the end of the day, I managed to deliver the eulogy without swearing and with a mix of Peranakan and English.

The entire experience; holiday and funeral was pretty overwhelming for me. On one hand, I had such a great time and on the other, someone very dear to me has passed on. The feelings just upped and overwhelmed me at the worst time and it was a terrible time to cope. Right up until I met my cousin. The tears stopped, the smile came on and I just snapped back into business.

There was just too much to do, family to attend to, my brother had to be deferring from doing his national service for two days because of the funeral and people to frown at and scold for being a pain in the ass, etc…

Five days past the funeral and everything is almost back to normal. We’re all on the mend. I guess we all have to slowly pick ourselves up and move on. The great thing is that we have each other. It’s always heartening to have family for support and love.