Who Cares What Women (or Men) Want—What Do You Want? and  The Wrong Reason to Get Married—and the Right Way to Think about It. So what does a single girl like me know about being in a relationship, you ask? Well, what I can say is that, in finding the right mate, I will try as much as I can to stay as true to myself and my beliefs as much as I can. 

The Crystals probably sang it the best:

Well he walked up to me
And he asked me if I wanted to dance
He looked kinda nice
And so I said I might take a chance
When he danced he held me tight
And when he walked me home that night
All the stars were shining bright
And then he kissed me

Blame it on Hollywood or the excess of bloody romantic novels that I read but have you ever wondered what happens after the chase is over? There is the dramatic, music, the birds will chirp,  you've tasted true love's kiss and then?

You both open your eyes and go, oh, that was great, lovey poo... Now let's get back to work.

I don't know about you but while it's always good to have that romantic fantasy in the back of your head, the reality falls short. Almost all the time. Well, unless you work at it.

With all the hurry-burry and the madness of our lives today, it's like everyone seems to be pushing themselves towards that grand wedding, buying that dream house, 'we MUST get together' and oh, when will we ever have sex? But why am I pondering these bloody questions?

A good friend of mine sparked off this train of thought when he was sharing some angst about his new lady love. Apparently, said lady love seems to be in a grand hurry about getting them from dating to committed and married in the space of a few weeks. Don't get me wrong, they have been seeing each other every couple of day and chatting online. Things seem to be going well but she comes across like a steamroller at times. She states her wants and expects that he feels the same and that all will be agreed upon, nice and easily.

Are you freaking kidding me? I know that none of us are getting any younger but since when do we need a dating guarantee to get things off the ground? It left me wondering, what if my friend had said yes to her mad demands and questions... and then what? It's good that some women are straightforward and can take the lead in relationships but what is the guarantee that if one party acquiescenced, that things would simply fall into place?

Sure, there are some cases where things will fall into place, but realistically, you have to work at things before you can reap even a small measure of success. But withthe right person, it may not feel like you are working all that much?

Me, I'm just a grumpy friend who just wished that the lady love would take a chill pill (or pills) and wait, give the man a chance to get used to the idea before going all mental. He will come around. You'll see.

I've always wondered, what makes us stay in strange relationships that are bad?

Deep down, we all want to be loved and have the capacity to give ourselves to others but how do we know when to quit something that isn't right? How far or how long will your patience last before it breaks? 

I look at my friends and see that they have amazing wells of patience. One of them actually had the capacity to sit and face something akin to the Spanish Inquisition from a woman he barely knew. I honestly don't know where he gets it but if I were in his shoes, I'd have told her to fuck off after she fired her first round of questions. The only reason he doesn't do so, is because he likes her.

In liking someone, we get mushy-headed. We all feel the need to give people a chance. Be it in a new relationship or at work, its human nature to give the other party the benefit of the doubt. I do it...a lot. Particularly when I'm in a relationship. Friends have told me that sometimes I put up with too much idiocy for my own good. It took me a really long time to face up to the fact that I do.

When I like someone, I like taking the time to get to know them and their idiocyncracies. I'll sit back and see how they react to others, or what they will do and say in certain situations. Asking questions can only get you so far, but watching people's behaviour and reactions? That is hard to hide.  

Me, I don't have much patience to start off with. I'm impatient and mouthy but somehow, in new relationships, I will suddenly develop patience. Funny, right? 

I've come to realize one thing though: the older I get, the less I am willing to put up with bullshit. Call it a stage of maturity but really, if the guy can't talk to me, can't be himself around me or can't even stick around long enough, I'm gone.  And if he suddenly decides to be an Inquisitor, he better be ready to face the same.

But back to the question. How much or how long are you willing to endure their nonsense before you decide it's enough? Are you able to see that person for who they are and still like them? Are they willing to take all your nonsense? Will you want to work through the issues with this person or choose to simply walk away? 

For me, its a matter of seeing how much a person's baggage goes with mine and are they willing to make the change with me? After all the experiences that I've had, I learned is to value me. If something makes me unhappy, I have the power to change it. I deserve better and it's up to me to get my happy show on the road.

In the blink of an eye, it's already March.
Work is picking up steadily, we have six weeks or so to prepare for the India salsa festival, West Coast Swing is finally working for me and I am feeling a little happier about where I am personally. It's been a somewhat tricky time at home but the good news is, that things are moving in a more positive direction now.
On the personal front, it's nice to spend my birthday and for once, Valentine's with a really cool person. What I don't appreciate are people asking me a barrage of questions about where all this is heading in the attempt to suss me out. Just why on earth would you ask someone you barely know about their personal life?
Bloody hell. I know that we are all obsessed with finding The One, but please refrain from getting all excited on my behalf. I actually like the way things are now, so if you see me out, just smile and say hi, don't get too excited. Don't make me kill you for no good reason.
Moving right along...
When it comes to relationships, I learned that girls and guys have very much the same reactions and feelings to certain things. It's funny but somewhat true. I've been having a few conversations on the topic with a close circle of friends and it's pretty interesting and sometimes too bloody amusing to say the least. 

• Men get nervous about the woman's reactions. Why the hell do they always think we will go mad about everything. Really, if you avoid the PMS period, all is good.
• Women get nervous when men don't react. Men, wake up, if she asks you a question, she definitely wants to know what you think. And if she goes crazy, its probably because you didn't respond.
• Sex may kill or boost a relationship. We are not on TV, we don't have to jump straight into sex.
• We all over analyze. To the point of driving ourselves and our friends nuts.
• We all have no clue what the other party is thinking....and no, age has nothing to do with gaining telepathic powers. The only ones with that power are our mums.
• Communication is about talking about things...anything! Not just about saying 'I miss you' at odd times of the day. 
• Talking about your ideal relationship or where you want things to be doesn't mean that you have to have all this right now. Take a chill pill and enjoy the ride!
• Asking questions and opening up is scary! Remember, it's about discovery, not about being part of the Spanish Inquisition.

I'm busy,
it's work,
I dance,
there is simply not enough hours of the day.

Faced a personal crisis,
saved my sanity,
promptly fell ill
I just want to coast for now.

The last couple of months have gone from being really nice and easy to tumultuous in a space of a few weeks. A tough decision was called for and while it killed me just a little, I realized that I was all the better for making it. I don't believe in half measures and that I cannot abide fickleness. Now, all I want to do is huddle in a corner and hibernate.

But I can't do that. For if I hibernate, I will mull and most likely fall into a deep funk. So here I am, pushing myself to do more, go out and see people, work more, dance more and just simply be more. Moving on means staying occupied and focusing on what I can do better. I simply cannot afford to hide.

It is one of the reasons why I haven't blogged in ages. I am just working out a few kinks in my armor and simply learning how to get back on the horse again. Well, things are slowly getting better and hopefully, I will be back in full form soon. Healing is a bitch, but I have to go through the motions.