Marriage seems like such a commodity these days that I can't help but think, are people really getting married because they are in love and committed to one another or are they just doing it to fit into society?

While I am happy for the people and friends who are getting married, there is a bit of a niggling feeling. Do you know what you are doing? Or are you getting married because all your friends are and therefore you should find some guy/girl and settle down as soon as possible? I've seen people do whatever it takes to get married, hang on to their partners, be in any relationship or get married than later become available. The cynic in me asks, can you truly say you are happy?

Call me a skeptic too but there used to be a time where relationships seemed less rushed. Today, it seems like people barely meet or have time to go out and learn about each oher before you hear that they are getting hitched. Or the ink is barely dry on tehr wedding papers when they are asking for a divorce. Are you people for real?! What the heck is the rush all about? What ever happened to taking the time to decide?

Taking the time to decide means that you are making a serious consideration about spending time with your partner. No one should be blamed for doing that. NO one should rush that process...don't second guess what you are doing because your friends are trying to push you to a decision. I say, decide carefully and tell your friends to fuck off.

I am aware that yea, we are all getting older and not everyone is cut out to be single. But really, have you looked before you leapt? Call me an old-fashioned thinker but I feel that there should be a time to get to know one another much better before taking that giant step. Or decide if that marriage is what you truly seek. Even if you chose to have fun and be single forever, that is a decision that no one (or even society) should take away from you.

Some people I know disagree about taking the time to decide. Why wait, when you know that this could be the right one? Don't get your panties in a twist, pleople. You can get married, I'm saying that you should you get to know a person better first. Can you tell them how you really feel inside? To open up yourself and be vulnerable to each other? If you have come to that stage, by all means. But if you still have that wall or are somehow unable to take that step in revealing your true person to your partner, then perhaps, you should think twice. Or take a longer dating process. This means hanging out together, with friends and family and not just screwing (yes, sex is important but its not the be all and end all.) Dating need not be a big production, people. I feel that simply getting married for the sake of and later discovering, oops, I made a mistake! Can we divorce please? That is farcical.

Its a point to ponder for sure. In my personal reflections, i think: would I be crazy enough to attempt all that, get what I want and later be bored with it? Or will my partner be that way? Relationships are a two way channel and both parties have to come to a compromise on what their ultimate goal is. In today's context, it seems that people just get to the goal and later somehow grapple with each other idiosyncrasies. 

Maybe its just me but its something that makes me go hmmm...comment?

Lately, the government’s call for more babies and promoting family life just pisses me off. I was looking through the 2008 Marriage & Parenthood Package and it just sets me off. Why? Because, while the government is getting all magnanimous with handing out the cash packages and bonuses for babies, they seem to be neglecting a sub-section of the women; the single mothers.

So we’re Asian, so what? Can’t Asian or Singaporean women choose to be single mothers too? And why are single mothers not entitled to the same benefits as the married ones? Single mothers’ experience the same things are married mothers, right? Or is there something here I don’t understand? My question is…why does the government choose to overlook single mothers? It can’t just be because of the conservative nature of the society that we live in. That’s too simplistic. Or is it?

Admittedly, not every woman desires or aspires toward motherhood but what if it is an accidental baby? Then would the single mother be forced to abort simply because the government frowns upon babies born out of wedlock? Or give her baby up to a married couple who would then be entitled to the bonus? What nonsense if that? Then I’d ask what if the said woman simply does not want a husband but was fully capable of raising a child on her own?

Adult women today are far more capable of raising a family and taking care of their careers than their counterparts from years before. It made me wonder: in trying to do the right thing, why can’t the government be humane as well? Why can’t we prevent cruel abortions and help these single mothers out instead? Understandably, the single mother may choose not to take up the incentive. That’s her prerogative. Would this increase irresponsible promiscuous behavior? I doubt so…because if you really do not want to undertake parenthood, you’d do everything in your power to prevent it.

At the end of the day, no matter how much incentives are handed out or dangled in front of us, getting married and having babies is a personal choice. I don’t see why as a single woman, I have to shackle myself to some guy if all I wanted was a child. I am completely capable of raising a child and working. Now why won’t the government support me? The child that I birth will go towards increasing the birth rate, right? What about the couples who marry but do not want to have children? Why can’t they be left alone without seeing all the nauseous family posters and shit around?

Sometimes, I wonder what goes on in the head of policy-makers…do they simply propose incentives to make themselves look good or is it really for the benefit of others?

I’d rather the government supported everyone who wanted to have a child instead of just saying only married couples are entitled to have children. What happened to giving people more options and choices and letting them decide for themselves?