Today's post is a compilation of limericks from my good friend, who has weird methods of cheering a girl up. Thanks, Antsy Pants and chin up!


There was a young man from Bombay
who made a false fanny from clay
but the heat from his dick
turned the pussy to a brick
and wore all his foreskin away


=================================

There was a young man named bill,
who swallowed a dynamite pill,
his heart retired,
his bum backfired,
and his willy shot over the hill 

Fear, what is it about fear that paralyzes people?
To the point it avoidance,
to the point of aggression,
to the point where words can't be taken back?

I'm pissed off that fear blindsided me,
it took away something that could've been good.
Fear brings its friend, doubt which now introduces hesitation.
Too many at the party for me to feel comfortable.

In quiet moments, anger pops by for a visit,
Bitterness also says hi,
Disappointment sets in and self esteem gets bruised
Will things ever get back to normal?

It's an uphill battle where I have to regroup
To repair a heart that's been hurt.
The quiet moments of anger and pain still get to me
I'm waiting for the day when this will pass.

Hopefully by then, you'd have left fear behind
and be able to come together as friends.
Cos I'm tired of your running, of constantly being afraid
No one can accept you unless you accept yourself.

The hardest step to take is the first
from where we sit, the height looks daunting
the light's too bright
all we can do is stare. 

Your heart's pounding
palms sweaty,
take a deep breath
for it can be done.

Grudgingly, courage surfaces, 
peeking out from the shadows shyly,
Digging deep we reach for strength 
and the chutzpah to pull us through

No matter what, this is a step in a new direction
It can be and will be done
only then can we release the hold of old fears 
and emerge as a stronger, braver person.

Dedicated to that crazy person who sends me amazing Sammy pictures

One year wiser, diddley-do
Oh how time has zipped by since that last big do
And yet, there is still more exciting stuff to come
Some great big challenges, some little ones

Right now, I’m hoping for a good year
With less crazies and much good cheer
Add in a dash of holidays and memorable moments
Who said birthdays should only be miserable occasions?

This is the reason why I'm sticking to my tortured poetry guns. If these guys can have a sense of humor about it, so can i.



And sorry, the only sex in this post comes from this sentence and the title. Who can think about sex after looking at Stephen Fry's hair?

Gotcha ;)

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
Or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
In secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in
Itself the light of hidden flowers;
Thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
Risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
So I love you because I know no other way

That this: where I does not exist, nor you,
So close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
So close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Pablo Neruda (Jul 12, 1904 - Sept 23, 1973)

Because I feel, because I need to express, because I am inspired, Because.

It only takes a minute…
To fall in love
To change your mind
To leave old memories behind

For the heart to yearn
To see that smile again
For the mind to wander
Can I do this again?

It takes courage to scale a wall
Time to see what lies beyond
To even want to take a chance
Do I want to stand by or do I jump?

Would you even look?
Would you even know?
Or would you just stand by
Shrouded in dark shadows?

Courage, my love for nothing’s set in stone
For all you know, you are not alone
Chances are meant o be taken again
For you never know what you may eventually gain

Just my little way of getting into the spirit of things this year :o)

Buh-bum.. buh-bum...
Santa baby, just slip a Tivo under the tree, for me
Need to catch up on shows
Santa baby so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, a 5'9 blond, with eyes of light blue,
From L'pool,
Drives an Aston Martin
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the fun I've missed,
Think of all the fellows that I haven't kissed
Next year I could be just as good
If you check off my christmas list

Santa baby, I want a watch and really thats not a lot
Just Piaget, been an angel all year
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa honey, one little thing I really need, the deed
To a condo that's mine, I'm not waiting in line
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa cutie, and fill my stocking with travellers cheques, oh yes
Sign your x on the line
Santa cutie, and hurry down the chimney tonight

Come and trim my chirstmas tree,
With some decorations bought at Tiffany's
I really do believe in you,
Let's see if you believe in me

Santa baby, forgot to mention one little thing, a ring,
I don't mean on the phone,
Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry down the chimney tonight
Hurry, tonight.

Why is it?
That every time I think I am on solid ground,
I seem to lose my footing and fall?

Why is it?
That I am willing to subject myself,
to such silly necessities?

Why is it?
That I am optimistic enough to see the good,
yet am unable to see the shortcomings of others?

Why is it?
That I reveal such vulnerabilities
even though it may be turned upon me?

Why is it?
That pain can be felt so acutely,
and yet be used as an balm for salvation?

Affirmations are not easy to come by
But somehow, things just go awry
So why is it that I still feel like this?

Because in the end,
I am only human, that's why.