You're not the only one

The English poet, Percy Bysshe Shelley once wrote: "Nothing in the world is single, all things by a law divine, in one another's being mingle, why not I with thine?"

Relationships are tricky. Regardless of what you know or think you know or maybe hear; things almost never manage to fall into place like magic or the movies unless you have planned for them or worked for them. Don't believe me? Go ask married couples with the 'perfect marriage'. These couples will probably tell you that it takes both parties to work to keep their relationship strong. Despite what people say, everyone is looking for their significant other. The romantic would say they will meet, get struck by love and get married. The cynic views it as a ball and chain. 

I'm of the opinion that there are no short cuts to any relationships. You need to take the time to meet people and spend enough time with them before you decide if you want to take things to another level with that one person. Putting a timeline on love is a recipe for disaster.

The Singapore mentality on relationships simply kills me. Dear Gahmen, why do you have to instil constant rush into our lives? Do you realize that people my age are going mad? I blame you for giving them the notion that they need to marry and have babies like, NOW. Everything is NOW. But while you’re at it, dear powers-that-be, why don’t you throw in grooming lessons too? You should subsidize Singapore Neanderthals so that they can at least look a smidge more presentable before they club and drag their unsuspecting other half off to fulfil a national duty. Why look a bit better? Because regardless of we all say, looks don’t count and all that bullshit, we all look at the packaging first.

Frighteningly, this ‘rushed’ mentality seems to be the case with single people my age.

Although I too, am seeking my significant other, my chosen road includes, taking enough time to see if my potential half has ideals that match or clash with mine. I’d like to know if he has other ideals that I should take note of. I’ve also come to the realization that if I do not chance upon him, then it’s back to plan B, build my own harem or plan C, buy my own place. 

In conversations with people, I realize that this is a slightly unusual view because: (1) I like taking the time to decide (2) I have other plans other than plan A and (3) I expect the potential half to have expectations too. It made me think: If you have a list of requirements, shouldn't the other person have one? Why shouldn’t you jump through a few hoops too? Shortcomings, issues and whatnot can be worked around – it’s not the end of the world. Working through issues and compromising on some makes your relationship stronger. What I would consider a no-no is simply settling, unless that is what you seek in the first place.

What got me all flustered is that some friends view relationships as a one-way street. 'I want him/her to do this or that'... Yet, when asked, ‘have you thought about what your significant other wants/thinks?’  The response received is usually, ‘uh, I haven’t asked them’ or better yet, they get defensive.  

Is this what the modern relationship is? Two selfish people who come together with a list of what they want and talk over each other, pretending to listen, and later resenting it when the other party doesn’t understand. C’mon people, your significant other will only know you better if you listen to each other better and spend more time together.  

It makes me want to shake people sometimes, yelling: You are not alone in this world! There actually is someone else in your relationship. Open your eyes and look at the other person, cos you can bet your ass that they are looking at you too.

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charmedfaith said...

two less selfish people in the world *sings* we are a gimme gimme gimme NOW NOW NOW generation lah.

i have much love. I am also much confused about what is happening now (mine is still - going to fall in my lap, probably while i'm at dinner with you)

Bitchy Witchy said...

You is confused? Oh no...about? We is having dinner when I'm back!

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Ever prodded a sleeping dragon, only to have it whip up and bite you in the ass? Well, neither have I. But I advocate that you should try everything...once ;P


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