With stars in their eyes


When it comes to relationships, how much are you willing to risk?

I've been having several conversations with different people about this and it is logical that most people are risk adverse when it comes to relationships. The men are of the opinion that you should always date within your area, as in country, neighborhood, etc. The closer she is, the easier it is to get to know the woman. They won't consider long-distance unless they are really interested. 

The women on the other hand, are more optimistic or even idealistic. They think that they can change things if they showed up or make the effort. Most I spoke with are willing to travel to meet a guy they are interested in. Some commute, changed jobs and even installed themselves in a foreign country. For the ladies and the men who did all that and are now with the person that they love. Kudos. The pursuit of love is never easy and I'm glad that both of you worked things out and are still at it.

I am always the idealistic one. I believe that if I work at it, things will happen. After all, isn't that what love is about? If I show the guy how things can be, what I am like, won't he just want to fall in with my plan?

NO. 

It's been a tough life lesson to learn. My heart has been broken a few times because of my idealism. Throughout all the pain and the tears, I learnt that just the willingness to work things out on my part is not enough. The other half has to want it too. In fact, the other half has to want to meet you halfway. One party making all the plans and taking the risk is insufficient in making a relationship work. 

This mindset shift of mine didn't occur overnight. It took really hard knocks, talking to-s and soul searching to come to this point. While my heart is still there, I am less idealistic. I've rubbed off some of the stars in my eyes to see what I truly want. There will be no game-playing, I want my other half to be able to prove that I am not alone in this. He has to step up too. But this is me, proceeding with caution but still with an open heart.

Ultimately, I will still encourage my friends to pursue the person they want. But that doesn't mean that I will be blindly supportive. I will still ask the tough questions and raise the concerns. I will also listen and offer advice. The final decision will always be theirs. After all, if I can't do that or if they can't accept or choose to ponder the points, then what's the point? Taking the risk also means having people around you, open your  eyes to the pitfalls that may come. 

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Ever prodded a sleeping dragon, only to have it whip up and bite you in the ass? Well, neither have I. But I advocate that you should try everything...once ;P
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