Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts

Death to humility?

Hello 2015 and hello all :) *waves*

 The posts have been slow in coming thanks to a drain on the mojo (hello work “motivation”) and a dearth of visitors in the sandbox. Talk about being a social butterfly! The usual year-end blooper post will have to come later, this time I’m building up to an observation.

 Case in point: With so much self-promotion, self-declaration and whatnot perpetuated social media, are we all losing our sense of grace? Are we killing humility (like poor ol' Smoochy) in the effort to trumpet our successes at every turn?

 No matter where you turn, Jimmy is telling you about his great life, Sally is showing off her new body or Sammy is showing you just how wonderful a person he is. Even our bosses are hopping onto the bandwagon "if you don't keep trumpeting your successes, who will know what you've done?".. uh how about you? The person we report to? Or are you too busy claiming credit instead? ;) Celebrating accomplishments is one thing, going overboard and shouting from the rooftops about how great you are, how without you, the office will never be able to function and how wonderful your life is, is sickening. Enough already!

 This raises another issue. Because everyone is so bloody busy, would anyone take notice of your accomplishments? Is that why you have to constantly promote and market ourselves just to be seen or even heard? 

 While I believe that technology and social media are great, they are oftimes the source of countless problems. If we all took the chance to unplug ourselves from our phones, computers and devices, we could actually get somewhere. Firstly, we would stop envying everyone else. 

 We will start appreciating the little things again, being kind, learning to be socially adept with people and to actually see people for who they are. It’s true that we can’t help bragging from time to time but let’s tone it down, ok? If we all took a step back and dialed things down, we will star becoming ourselves again, instead of succumbing to what everyone says, or thinks… or even worse, what some reality star opines. 

 Maybe I am just a cynic but I feel that you aren't truly great unless your accomplishments are given third-party validation. And by that, I don’t mean being validated by one of your personas. I mean being genuinely praised and recognized for a job well-done. The days of sincere compliments are few and far between. In the rush to be seen as being ‘great” we often praise false idols while neglecting true heroes. 

 I don’t know what the world is coming or how people will continue to behave but I can say one thing. We need to stop trying to be “great” because

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10! .. And then some

And so, after many years of higgling and piggling, with some kicking and screaming and a certain amount of rebelliousness thrown in, I have done it.

Don’t get excited now, I haven’t learnt how to drive yet.

Remember that Top 10 movie list? I did one about the films that I haven’t seen sometime last year but here… HERE is the list that is close to my heart. These are films that sparked off my imagination and set me on a lifelong interest in the Ok, in no order whatsoever…

Try not to keel over yet again, ok? LOL
  1. The Untouchables To me, this was one of Brian De Palma’s best, with quotes that have resonated with me until today. It’s a life lesson on doing what you believe is right, at any cost.
  2. Dangerous Liaisons So these are the games that high society people play to entertain themselves? Who gets hurt in the process doesn’t matter as long as you trump your rival. I equally loved and hated this movie which exposed the manipulative minds of people and that sometimes, your closest ‘friends’ are not your friends at all.
  3. Star Wars Ep V: The Empire Strikes Back The entire trilogy was amazing but this was the one I remembered the most. Above the storyline, this movie sparked my imagination and inner geek. The battle of Hoth with those Imperial AT-AT Walkers? Mind blowing. I really, really wanted to work in a VFX studio where I wanted to breathe life into the most fantastical monsters, robots and creatures. Woot!
  4. Raiders of the Lost Ark Who knew that archeologists could be cool? There was crazy adventure, you learned some history and of course, the best theme park ride I have ever seen. It introduced the concept of the battle worn hero what could think on his feet and wasn’t easily defeated no matter what was thrown at him.
  5. Farewell My Concubine  When I first watched this film, I was weeping in the cinema. I learned that relationships are a messy thing and what people will do when circumstances forbid them. I loved the music, its characters and the colors. Its director; Chen Kaige is a film maker who is unafraid of telling stories. And then there was Chinese cinema’s pretty boy, Leslie Cheung, in the role of a lifetime.
  6. Amelie from forbidden romance to one that is quirky and inventive. It showed me that while you can make people around you happy, you also need to take care of yourself.  Life and love doesn’t have to conform to the dictates of society. Love can be beautiful if you can let people or that special someone in. For once, a French auteur wasn’t depressing and that was refreshing to me.
  7. Infernal Affairs I love Asian cinema not just because I grew up with them but it introduced me to a genre of film-makers and characters that were larger than life, where heroism was not black and white but most importantly, they had storylines that gave cinemagoers the leeway to discuss and ponder what happened, not just giving them a simple ending. This was to me, the far superior film that not even Martin Scorsese could top. It was taut and exciting with a keen sense of danger at all times.
  8. Snake in the Eagle’s Shadow To me, Jackie Chan was my Kung-fu hero growing up. Always the underdog, always being bullied and always very funny. There is just something so down-to-earth about him that sets him apart from other kung-fu heroes. I cannot tell you how many times my sister and I watched this growing up… or how much we wanted to have a crazy kung-fu teacher. LOL
  9. Pete’s Dragon I love dragons in all its incarnations. What I love even more? Silly, hand-drawn cartoons with a lot of heart, songs and being happy. And roasted apples. It wasn’t slick, it was cheesey but it was also one of the first animated films I saw and it has stuck in my mind ever since. Goes to show that the medium may have evolved but you remember the things that you grew up with, the most.
  10. Se7en So according to the traditional blockbuster formula, movies must have, action, hunky heroes, a feel-good factor and of course a happy ending. This movie, turned everything on its head and worse of all? The heroes here DON’T WIN. Whhhahaatttt??!! And the villain was uncredited. Who the hell was that? And what the hell happened? Just that fact alone made me and many viewers watch this movie more than once.
Special mention goes to the movie, Pendekar Bujang Lapok (The Three Bachelor Warriors) which was a comedy that was shot by the legendary P. Ramlee in Singapore back in 1959. As much as I loved the Python movies, this was the one that kicked it off for me. How on earth do you make something as mundane as the life of three bachelors into a classic comedy that combined songs, fighting, the supernatural and still showcased life in a kampung? Just ask any mambang (spirit)… LOL
And there you go my Top 10 list. It is one that is highly personal, where most of the films mean a lot me. They inspired the way I write, what I love and how I see things. Just as in life, I don’t really give a fig about what’s popular, as long as it means something to me. 

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Simplicity, it's not that complicated

A wise man once said, “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” Why, I cannot agree more, Confucius.

As we journey along our lives, I increasingly feel that we place too much importance on the material, the shallow; how much status we have, how big our egos are and what people think about us. How utterly tiring and mundane! What happened to just living life simply, to being honest to ourselves about what we want and how we want to live our lives?

It is so easy to fall into the trappings of society’s demands that we lose sight of what we truly want and how to pursue it. We cleave to the rules set out by strangers who feel that achieving all we can is limiting or that if you achieve too much or even deign to celebrate your achievements it stands to make others jealous or insecure. There is so much red tape, expectations and ground rules… What. The. Hell?

We forget the simple things; that we need to connect with people recharge us emotionally. We lose sight of the things that truly make us happy in order to pursue yet another material gain or obsession. Learning or facing challenges are not things to hide from but to embrace in order to grow, spiritually, emotionally and physically. We need to remember that being happy is not something you achieve alone. It is something that also reaches out to touch others, making us feel alive, loved and also appreciated.

Do you remember what it’s like to spend time with people who listen, hold and talk to you without judgment? Or to sit at your favorite coffee shop to sip that fresh brew while you catch up on the news or even chat with other patrons?

When I was home recently, it was refreshing to let go of all societal nonsense just to be with my friends and family. The mask that I put on for people who hardly know, yet judge me was chucked aside. I am free again, I can feel again and most importantly I am me.  Holding up that mask is strenuous! My question to you is, when do you fling that aside so that you can just breathe?

In experiencing this, I’ve decided to look at things slightly differently. I will focus on things that make me happy… whether it is just telling someone I love them or just talking to the people who matter the most, it is the authenticity of the experience that makes me feel alive. I will not hide from who I am but will approach life with the vivacity that I would like to achieve. I believe that you find yourself when you embrace things at a more simple level. When you cut out the complications, you can truly live. Andddd…. If all that fails, just pick up a mike and karaoke LOL :)

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Celebrating a year in the life

Come to think of it, this year was pretty darned exciting. It was a year of learning to overcome new challenges. I moved to a new country, made new friends, got stranded by the very same company that hired me, worked my ass off, cut a dead relationship and toxic people off from my life, learned that people change along with their political alliances and that friends, no matter where you are, will always support you and be there for you.

‘Finding yourself’ is not just a stupid term coined by people with a hollow self-fulfilling prophesy. You just need the time and space to do it. Space to breathe, take in where you are and realize that things aren't so bad after all... You can DO this!

There were a few firsts: went on secret booze runs, learned how to ski, that great paragliding attempt, moved into the world’s most Spartan house, went travelling with my sister, saw more of the Middle East and actually quite liked it, and welcomed both friends and family to the new crib.
How the hell do you cram everything into one damned collage? LOL
And with the good, came the challenges. I guess that being more gung-ho than your average schmo, I was always up for a new challenge. Stepping outside of a comfort zone is never easy. I made a decision and then jumped straight in. Was it the best decision I ever made? Let me get back to you on that…  I have to confess that it brought about one of the biggest frustrations ever. For a foreigner in this country, I was faced with the most unhelpful people who refused to step even an inch out of their designated work scope. Everyone was too mired in their own bureaucratic bullshit to realize that hey, the person you hired doesn't know how things work – this shit is new *rolls eyes* Get over yourselves, people!

Professionally, I quickly remembered what it was like to work in-house. To succeed means to be able to successfully navigate political landmines in order to deliver what you are hired for: the work. At times it feels like I am both the conductor and the musician in an orchestra. You just want to kick everyone and yell, WAKE THE FUCK UP! That said I realized that the woman who used to so readily agree to things is no longer. While there are no stupid ideas, at least come with one that can be executed in a reasonable way.

In terms of new adventures and people. Zumba became part of my new regimen, while social dancing introduced me to more dancers and I continued to feed my wanderlust. New friends remain in the same vein as the old ones, boozy, mouthy and full of surprises. It is just cool to find people with a similar sense of fun or silliness that you can just hang out with. Hail to banditry and shenanigans!

Checking out Jordan, Oman and Abu Dhabi 
Of banditry and shenanigans
On a personal note, I found that when you take chances, sometimes good things happen. It opens your heart to new experiences or even a new people. While I won’t go into details on the blog, close friends should know what I am talking about. Maybe it is because I shed unrealistic expectations and baggage, maybe I just happened to be at the right place at the right time, maybe I am ready to move forward. Who knows? I am ever thankful for all the good, the bad and the challenges.

And so, here’s my wish to you for the New Year


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I like it like that

Let me set the record straight. Since moving to Dubai, I enjoy staying on my own and doing things by myself. Hanging out at home is actually comfortable and even cleaning my house can be fun (ha! My mother would love to hear me say that in person!). The one thing that I certainly never done whether here or back home is  keep thinking of things to do, pile my days and nights with endless activities or have a packed social calendar to feel ‘busy’. I am able to find little projects or hang out with people who do not stress me out. I like that.

Do I get bored or restless? Hell yes, then I simply think of something to do and get to it. If I can enlist an accomplice to share my little adventure, all the better! Otherwise I just do it on my own. It’s odd how sometimes doing things on your own can be freeing. You have the freedom to make mistakes and simply let yourself go. It’s also a more humbling experience where there is no posturing or showboating. That’s why I started taking dance and fitness classes on my own. I don’t need to rely on others or blame others if they can’t make a session. The responsibility falls solely on me. I'm ok with that and focusing on what I’m there to do.

In doing this, I sometimes miss having a friend to talk to, laugh and discuss things with. But then again, why not talk to the people around me? Isn’t that how you meet new people and widen your social circle? I guess it’s easier for me to talk to people partly because of the job I do. Talking to strangers, whether they are business associates, CEOs, journalists, vendors or even the man on the street is a matter of perspective adjustment. For me, not everyone can be a friend or is. Interactions are always a very personal choice.

In dealing with homesickness (rarely) and missing my family and friends, there is always Skype and WhatsApp or the ever reliable Facebook. I’ve relied on these tools more often now that I am away. However, there is always that personal sense of closeness that I never lose sight of. No matter where my family or friends are, we always take the time to connect and support each other. I also grew up with friends and family who had their own lives and I respect that. No one likes a cling-on!

So bottom line is this: I like where I am now emotionally; having room to think about what I need, who I want in my life and am taking steps to achieve it, as well as physically; ok, the weather can be less bloody sweltering and some people need to take a smart pill, but still. The independence is gratifying and I am slowly discovering new things about myself, my environment and a circle of friends here. That to me, the a great start towards new adventures :)

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Don’t be a f@#$ing lazy arse, realize your dream!


Ever since I was a little girl, all I wanted to be was a writer. To me words are not just meaningless alphabets strung together. Alphabets make words, words make sentences that convey meaning, and sentences form stories that lead you on adventures, make you all in love, help you paint pictures in your mind and also build a career. 

There was only one problem with this grand plan. How the hell do I get it?

I know what it’s like to sit and dream about things. The problem with that is they only remain dreams. Therefore, at the tender age of about seven, I decided to take things into my own hands (yes, even as a kid, I was an action-driven thing). I started reading all sorts of books and way before it became fashionable, I start keeping a journal. I wrote stories, plotted the demise of my enemies and escaped out of crazy family drama. I ranted and raged! I still do it today, heh

As I matured, I looked for jobs that allowed me to expand my writing capabilities. I moved from administrative roles to internal corporate comms and to agency life.  I learnt more about government relations and corporate messaging, delved into engineering, food & nutrition, pharmaceuticals and technology. I learnt more about storage and pure systems that I liked. Most importantly, I learnt about whom I was and what I would like to do. Mentors have taught me that the road to a career doesn’t simply stop once you embark on a certain path. You need to constantly keep up with trends, be curious, network (no, not just go out and get drunk), be in-tuned with the news and general happenings and just be ‘with it’.  You always need to be hungry for the next thing, you need the appetite to learn and be challenged by what you find.

My journey to being a writer has evolved towards being someone who crafts messages that are aimed at changing the way we perceive certain products, people and ideals. I’m not simply a ‘writer’ but in some ways, I am.  

This is probably why I am always annoyed by friends who keep asking what they need to get the perfect career. I’m annoyed when people ask me to recommend interesting jobs. Why? Because I don’t know what you bloody want! What is interesting to me may not appeal to you. Then we both think the other is useless. 

Instead of having lots of useless conversations, I’d encourage them to define their needs in the most specific way. Don’t just write your dream down. Pen the steps that you need to take to get there: 
  • Write down your attributes – what are your strengths? What do you do well? Do a top 5 list. 
  • What do you like to do? In terms of work, are you a skilled organizer, number cruncher, events whiz? Do you know a lot of people?
  • What are your top fields to work in? Pick the top 3. No, we can’t all work for Google. Do some research!
  • How do you go about getting what you want? Do you need to start at the bottom? Get an additional degree? Who do you talk to?
Today’s post is a long one but one that was inspired by another friend. Thanks for making me think about my journey to where I am today.

Oh, and you know what I wanted to be as a little girl? I wanted to be a novelist ;)

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The great chronicle of pain

Just when I thought that things are finally on some sort of even keel, it's annual injury time. Annual injury? Uh, yea... ever since I managed to dislocate my hip sometime in 2009, I've had to take extra care of myself to prevent injury.
 
The hip injury was a bit strange. It happened after pilates class, all I did was sit on a rail at the bus stop and when I got off, I felt excruciating pain shoot up my hip. That was the start of it all: 
  • 2009 - Said hip dislocation. Took about 5 weeks of physio and reformers for a full recovery. I got started on pilates here.
  • 2010 - Looking at this video, you cannot tell but my knee was the size of a melon just 4 weeks before this video. That was the result of a fall in ballet. Note: Don't get distracted by the cute guy while leaping like a goat it can lead to disaster. Healing took about 4 weeks with nightly icing down and stretching. If you are a dancer, you'd know the hell I was going through. Plus there's no way I'd sit out this performance! It's Dirty Dancing! Thankfully, the performance went without a hitch. Kudos again, to the groom, who before his wedding was always our official photographer and never a dancer. And he did the solo too... it was an amazing night :)



  • 2011 - a fall (more like a slip and crumple to the floor) while practicing for a performance caused near panic when I couldn't get up from bed the next morning. Three weeks of physio and stretching to sort out my back.
  • 2012 - rib cartiledge sprain sustained post performance, during the India Fiesta Latina. This was after 3 days of intense classes and about 4 nights of dancing till about 3am. How painful was it? Despite a really relaxing trip to Goa afterwards, I wasn't able to sleep or turn over and coughing or taking deep breaths felt like my rib was about to bust open. Fun times.
Which brings us up to this year. Post injury last year, I was in physio for another 4 weeks and then, I found Trigger Point classes. I finally got on track to strengthen my body and also work out all the kinks so that I will be less injury prone. I got stronger, which means I danced more and stayed mostly injury free :) Yay!

Fast forward to this year and a few weeks ago where Dubai felt two pretty big aftershocks. When the second one hit, my boss bolted down the stairs. Now, I know my body and just the effect of running down the stairs like that meant bad news. News that manifested in the form of a kneecap sprain that had me limping around in Jordan. I wrote to my physio back in SG and got a recommendation to see a local physio who worked at a clinic called Up and Running here.

Taped up and roller-ed
The physio, Jac was mildly horrified at my seemingly endless litany of injuries and she was almost beside herself (and so was my SG physio and V) when they learned that I did not bring my roller wtih me to Dubai. GAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Hence the pain and malfunctions! It's a wonder you could still dance and go for freaking Zumba! Ok, ok....

My new best friends
Well, it's been a painful road to recovery and I'm back to using the roller. If you've never tried the grid before, it's something new to explore. It works out the kinks, kind of like a massager. You use yoru body weight for pressure. For recoving people like me, it is also used to strength your body. That said, the roller will now be part of a new routine. My advice? If at any time you feel that some body part or other is not working, get it checked out. Because if you don't do it now, it may get worse down the road. Such is the life of the injury prone :p but then again, if I don't take care of me and mine, who will?
 

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How about being struck by lightning again?

And so, it’s back to being singleton again. For some reason, this time it doesn’t feel as bad. I went from being very upset to really angry and then…nothing.
 
On the other hand, the eventual apathy is nothing new. Even when coupled up, he was always busy or too busy or travelling and I continued with my dancing, work and friends. The thing that really stuck in my craw in the end was: If he can stay things that are true to himself, then why can’t I say mine and get an acknowledgement or a decent argument out of it? So much for communication... pfft. More like two idiots just blabbering with no one listening.  The thing that probably galled him was that I didn’t just want to sit around wondering, I dumped him. That is me, being true to myself.  

Through my rather checkered dating history I’ve learnt a few important things: 
  • If you don’t stand up for what you believe in, no one else will do it for you. It’s not about being selfish and only wanting your end of things but making a point. Then hopefully coming to some sort of compromise that both parties can live with

  • If things are worth fighting for then do it. If there is no fight or you just grunt and give in. It doesn’t mean that things are ok. It just means that you end up resenting each other over time

  • Things are your fault too. A part of what happened is my fault. I let things carry on, I talked things over with him with the hope that I would get through. In the end, I learned that he is holding on to an idea or rather ideal that neither me, nor anyone else can crack.
Through it all, I feel like I came out with the knowledge and strength that I can do better. I deserve better. The strong part of the relationship taught me a lot about myself and who I am. What I can accept and what I can’t. Now that I have these values, it’s not something that is simply discarded but to be worked into part of my psyche.  

From top left, clockwise: the great goulash experiment, paragliding, check out the sandstorm, ayam masak merah and some party animals
These couple of weeks has been pretty darned good, actually. There’s been experimental cooking, the unavoidable cleaning, liver pickling, constantly improving the salsa dancing, making new friends, the great paragliding attempt (I made it off the ground for a soft launch!), mad karaoke singing and learning new things about my colleagues and friends here. Broadband at home paved the way for virtual tours of my house to close friends and family as well as new, addictive TV series’ J Oh and did I mention a sandstorm and tremors that I and everyone in Dubai survived?  

I guess I’m staying on this path for a while longer, it's a happy path :) oh and can someone get me this for my house, please?
 
 

 

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Baggage that didn't go with mine

Almost two months after my birthday and about a week after his, things are over. Why? Is it the distance?

No. We talk every day. Things are almost normal except that I am in Dubai and he is in Singapore. We still have discussions about how the kids are, does my place have more than just the bed or whether he will be taking that job in China or making plans to see each other again. Normal? Not quite.
Complexity and then some

How would you feel if your other half, who has said that things should continue, turn to you and say: “Go out and have fun! So, have you gotten laid yet? You should!” I may be liberal in a lot of things but when it comes to my own partner telling me that he wants to go out and bang some chick or that I should be getting some – why, do you plan to be a nun in Dubai? That hurt – it tells me that he doesn’t want this. We’re nowhere near settling down yet and this crops up like a dark little devil. It tells me that I do not want this. Coming from a background where my dad was constantly cheating on my mum, it is a painful reminder to me that if your partner strays or wants to stray then, you are better off without them.

Growing up, I remembered watching my mother cry, us kids getting packed up in the middle of the night and running to a relative’s place so my parents can ‘talk’. I remember the nightly screams, the fights and the awful, awful silence when things have simply gone beyond the point of return. I was 14 when I told my mum, enough is enough. Why are you putting up with this nonsense? You are much better than this. We are old enough to handle it.

Fast forward about 20 years. Here’s the man who checked a lot of the boxes that I am looking for. With the exception that he is a crazy workaholic, who works like a dog to support a family that hardly bothers. Oh and, he believes that we should always fulfill our pleasures. He says that when we are together, we’re together and when we’re not, we should individually take our pleasures as and when we need them, even if we are married. He considers what we have an open relationship; a very open one. Seriously?! Is the modern relationship only earmarked for hedonistic pleasure? Are we still living in the age of Caligula? Or in Magic Mike? Are we so driven by sex that there is simply no room for connection or emotion of any sort?

I took in what he said and attempted to digest it. Ha, I am a modern woman after all but then again, I am not modern enough to want to share my love. Or my man. Even though we share a lot of common interests and ground, I cannot be with someone that I cannot trust. I don’t want to live each day, waiting for the moment where he will confess who he banged.  Waiting for that day…just waiting, just kills me. No, I am NOT fine with that. But a relationship, like everything else is 50/50, right? Nothing is concrete. Yet to me, if you are committed to someone, you remain so, physically and emotionally. We are not animals. This is also not a competition where one of us tries to one up the other with conquests. If you want to fool around, please go ahead – just don’t come home to me and expect things to be all shiny happy.
 
To be honest, the thought of starting anything at this point in time, feels a bit revolting. Looking around me, I see a lot of people who are determined to restart their lives. By seeking pleasure anywhere they can. But is that really enough? It seems like pleasure is the one great thing that a lot of people seek when their own lives and relationships have gone to shit. I’ve been down that path before. Pleasure is a passing phase and once that is over, you lapse back into such emptiness or just like an addict, you attempt to seek it out, again and again, believing that for one moment, you are alive.

I just wished that I was strong enough to end things when I moved. But I bought into the hope and the assurance that things could work out. I’m paying for that now. Maybe I should have nagged you more or made life harder for you. Would you prefer that? Maybe you need another weight around your already burdened shoulders, another responsibility to be guilted about? But I have you the freedom to do as you please, I didn't make any fuss about the long working hours, the trips or the endless schedules. I didn't judge when the bad things happened. I worried about the operations. I worked around it and I was there for you. And yet, you needed more... more what? That is the part I totally don't get.
 
There’s no misunderstanding. It was just false hope, where there was none to be had in the first place. Who knows, maybe we’ll be friends. But at this juncture, I’d take the freedom to be myself and just live.
  

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It’s been quite a while, baby!

And yet, it doesn’t feel like so long. Have you ever been in situations like that?
The past year was a bit of a mixed bag. It was the year of discovery for me. Learning about who I was and what sort of person I can be under all sorts of situations. I am lucky to have found someone who has stuck with me through this all. Now, now, don’t faint. A girl is entitled to have her romances and yes, keep it to herself. I’d just like to credit him for helping me through all this. He’s kept me sane and worked through a lot of the bullshit. He didn’t freak or run. And because he is such a stellar guy, added to some of my stress. You damned man! But for all that it is, Thank You *Hugs*

Dancing went to a totally new dimension. I am really lucky to be dancing with really awesome salsa team. The DanceUnlimited journey was demanding and has taken us from freakish amateurs to performers who danced at some of the best festivals around the region. 
 

Those costumes! Gah!

From China, to Thailand to India, we just got better and better and yes, the costumes, skimpier. Any self-esteem issues that I had earlier are much diminished! There is never a dull moment when these guys are around and some of our shenanigans have burned itself into my memory forever!

As for West Coast Swing, somewhere along the way, I started enjoying the dance for itself. Grooving to the music and simply letting go J  
The amazing peeps who kept the passion burning!
 
Starting out was kind of hard but along the way, I made new and firm friends with the people in the WCS community in Singapore and two special friends from Adelaide. I also took part in my very first Jack & Jill! Super nerve wracking and of course I didn’t do all that well. It’s my first time! Dammit.

Work-wise, I was good, I was bad, I was up, down, trying to find that feeling again. Thanks to Barry Manilow, I have the right words. For someone who’s never viewed her job as simply a job, this was a terrible blow. In all my years, I have never experienced such an intense period of self-doubt and was continually forced to examine and re-examine if what I was doing was the right thing. Was it only me?
 
Parts of it, definitely, but I am not accepting all the damned blame. I’m no doormat. For me, work is about doing the job to the best of your ability.  Not about the drama. I’ve always been open-minded about my career and take in criticism and feedback to improve. The stick in my craw is being criticized repeatedly. Every mistake is highlighted, sometimes publicly, from the big ones to the tiniest – what is the point of this? It’s like no one here ever makes a mistake. I totally get how Bill Murray felt in Groundhog Day now. Constantly being told that “you are good, but just not good enough” is enough to dishearten the most optimistic person. At the end of the day, it was a ‘good’ thing that my mum’s medical situation acted up. As much as I liked some of the people that I worked with, I don’t think I could have taken this treatment much longer. Everyone has a threshold and mine was at its end.
 
My lifeline, my crazy bunch of friends, family and loved ones helped me stay sane and liquored up throughout it all. I don’t have to see you all the time to know that you are there for me. I’m a bit of an oddball for sure. But you guys have been a lifeline no matter which part of the world you come from J I’m letting the pictures speak for themselves this time….

Well, you can't get them all
This New Year brings the start of new adventures. New things to look forward to and new challenges to overcome – I’m looking forward to them. Starting on a clean slate is always good. The quest to grow should be driven by what you want and how you can achieve it. Criticism should be taken in and then used to pave new and braver roads ahead J Here’s to a great 2013!


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Not something you hand out at a street corner

Lately, I find myself to be less trusting of people. 


Most of the time, you never really know what you are going to get. Or even who. Or even how people will react to you. People who question your motives and think that you are part of a 'tribe', people who regard you as a friend only to drop you when they can no longer be arsed, people who don't think twice about arranging things to their own benefit or people who think that I have no feelings/opinions about anything or everything. 

 Let me set the record straight. We are no longer in primary school. 

 I have opinions and of course, I have feelings *rolls eyes* Just because I don't invoke tears or start yelling at the drop of a hat, doesn't mean that I don't care. Often, too bloody much. However, my way of doing things is to talk it out directly and listening to that second or third opinion. Oh, I won't be an idiot and take your words wholesale. I may not like what I hear, but I try my darndest  to not go overboard. Overreacting is not the way forward. But if you are too stubborn or defensive to listen, then why the hell should I try so hard to convince you otherwise? Obviously, a judgement has been passed and a decision has been made. So me being rational and laying out my cards is moot. 

 If you are going to be dramatic and only harp on your point of view, then I am not interested in your drama. I don't trust that you will give me a full picture of what's going on. Me shutting you out and moving on, is my way of getting through all the 'talking'. There is only so much talking a person can do and if at the end of the day, I am supposed to just listen to you then hey, you are a dumbass. You want a soliloquy, not a conversation. If your opinion is the only thing that matters, then I don't see a need to argue. But if you are, by some miracle of God, willing to hear me out, and argue or discuss salient points, then sure, by all means. Just be prepared that you too, may not like what I have to say.

 What I am saying is: just because I don't react to drama doesn't mean I don't care. I just don't care to be part of silly, petty things when there are bigger issues at hand that need to be attended to. Messing about with the small things, just mean that no one wants to deal with the major issues. 

 At any point of time, I would rather have real, authentic experiences with people. So, save your drama and know that I don't trust easily. Trust is definitely earned, not handed out like free tissue paper on a street corner. 

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Racism. Is there still room for it?

While Singaporeans were all up in arms over Amy Cheong's ugly remarks over the past few weeks, it got me thinking: is there really room for the race card now that there is a growing number of children and adults of mixed races?

As we become more globalized  couples of all races are inter-marrying and creating children of mixed races. It's a reality that we have to wake up to. Sure, there are people who prefer to date and marry within their race, that is a personal choice.

The world has evolved and so must we. Instead of making childish or ignorant comments in the vein of 'my race is better than yours', why don't we teach our kids more about their roots?

Being a child, or rather, woman of mixed race myself, I don't condone what Amy has done. I also don't support small-minded Singaporeans who jump on the support or disparage bandwagon blindly. The issue here is not simply about one race against another. Admit it, we all make fun of the weird aspects of each other's races. Ribbing is part of growing up but it should remain just that. Don't be a moron and take it online.

When I was growing up, I was part of a tiny minority. Teachers had no idea how to classify me, the kids were a bit more forgiving. If you've seen me, I look anything from Chinese to Indian or Malay, at times Eurasian, I speak three of the national languages, two of its dialects and still celebrate almost all the traditional festivals. People just had no idea of what to make if kids like me. Sounds sad, right?

Not at all. I had a great childhood because I had the best of all my worlds. Growing up, I had the most diverse set of friends. They came from all walks of life and from all sorts of cultures. Some have remained my closest comrades. I attended parties for almost every kid in the estate. I was never part of any cliques (seriously, what clique?)  I learnt more about who I am as a Chinese/Indian/Peranakan kid. On the religious front, I was exposed to more religions for which I am grateful. One aspect of my race doesn't define me. I am defined by ALL aspects of my races.

This is probably the reason why I have never thought it was wrong or different if couples from other races got together. Personally, I dated whomever I wanted to, not because of their race but because of who they are. What I thought was weird was kids or adults who only had single race friends. It feels weird because it seems like they are too afraid to venture outside of their comfort zones to see  that there are so many other great people.

Consider this little nugget before I go: Today, people of single-races may be the majority. But what will happen when multi-cultural people become the majority? Would you want yourself or your children to be discriminated against or would you rather have people learn and carry the values of your race through the ages? We have to open our eyes and hearts and start learning now. There is no room for racism. 

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And then, I shut the door

Today, for the first time in many years, I woke up on Hari Raya feeling...absolutely nothing.

When I was a child, I'd wake up feeling excited. After a month of fasting, it's exciting to wake up and anticipate a day filled with family, food and festivities. The smell of the food, festive cakes and goodies always get me going. In my adolescence, this feeling of excitement turned into dread when the aunts and uncles on my dad's side would start to quarrel and fight amongst themselves over petty issues and even such simple things as seeking forgiveness for their sins of the past with each other.

Starting anew never really mattered with these people. It's always about whose kid was better, who had more status or who appeared to be more filial to their mother. "Forgive and forget' was more like lip service than anything in that household.  I believe in something else entirely. Because of these incidents, I started to dread Hari Raya. I didn't want to go out, I'd hibernate at home and just stay away from the family.

After breaking away from that family. I believe that you cannot forgive anything by just saying it. You have to believe it. And if you cannot forgive, for any reason, whatever it may be, it's time to walk away. Close that door and perhaps never see these people or speak about those incidents again.

Painful? Definitely. Walking away doesn't diminish the pain. You still feel every stab of it. You cry, spend sleepless nights thinking about every little detail and ask why and who and how...Painful as they are, closing the door on some of the things and the people that hurt me the most have helped me preserve my sanity. Cold? No. It  kept me going and keeps bitterness at bay. Over time, the unhappiness goes too. I can talk about some of these incidents but I do not dwell on them. Will I ever forgive some of these people? Maybe, but until I can forgive them wholeheartedly, I have no plans to let them back into my life. Forget? Ha. It'll be stupid to forget the things that happened. I remember everything and hope not to re-make those mistakes.


But today. for once in my life, I can finally let these feelings and these people go. And that, dear readers,  feels really, really good.

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With stars in their eyes


When it comes to relationships, how much are you willing to risk?

I've been having several conversations with different people about this and it is logical that most people are risk adverse when it comes to relationships. The men are of the opinion that you should always date within your area, as in country, neighborhood, etc. The closer she is, the easier it is to get to know the woman. They won't consider long-distance unless they are really interested. 

The women on the other hand, are more optimistic or even idealistic. They think that they can change things if they showed up or make the effort. Most I spoke with are willing to travel to meet a guy they are interested in. Some commute, changed jobs and even installed themselves in a foreign country. For the ladies and the men who did all that and are now with the person that they love. Kudos. The pursuit of love is never easy and I'm glad that both of you worked things out and are still at it.

I am always the idealistic one. I believe that if I work at it, things will happen. After all, isn't that what love is about? If I show the guy how things can be, what I am like, won't he just want to fall in with my plan?

NO. 

It's been a tough life lesson to learn. My heart has been broken a few times because of my idealism. Throughout all the pain and the tears, I learnt that just the willingness to work things out on my part is not enough. The other half has to want it too. In fact, the other half has to want to meet you halfway. One party making all the plans and taking the risk is insufficient in making a relationship work. 

This mindset shift of mine didn't occur overnight. It took really hard knocks, talking to-s and soul searching to come to this point. While my heart is still there, I am less idealistic. I've rubbed off some of the stars in my eyes to see what I truly want. There will be no game-playing, I want my other half to be able to prove that I am not alone in this. He has to step up too. But this is me, proceeding with caution but still with an open heart.

Ultimately, I will still encourage my friends to pursue the person they want. But that doesn't mean that I will be blindly supportive. I will still ask the tough questions and raise the concerns. I will also listen and offer advice. The final decision will always be theirs. After all, if I can't do that or if they can't accept or choose to ponder the points, then what's the point? Taking the risk also means having people around you, open your  eyes to the pitfalls that may come. 

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Observations of chickenshit behaviour

Apparently when it comes to relationships these days, everyone's a wimp.

A couple of months ago, I learned that it's not kosher to like the person that you're with. So so so, it's ok to screw around with 'em but you cannot like them. Once you do, someone dies...or will. Like woa, y'all.

Why do we have to be so freaking scared? Is it a crime to like the person we're with? Or has the media and our continually warped society conditioned us to nitpick everything about our partners so that we're never happy or we can never be sure of them? Why live in paranoia?

Case in point: I was going through a tough time in my previous relationship. The ex's ex has thrown a spanner in the works and it was giving me sleepless nights that they were meeting and talking. He gave no reassurances and I was a mess, attempting to remain calm while the man I liked was thinking about another.

When I confided this to a guy friend, he simply said: why did you go and like this man? The genius goes on to clarify: sleeping with him is ok, but liking him is out of the question. Did he say he likes you?

What did I just transcend into another dimension? Am I being punk'd? Am I still stuck in secondary school?  

When I stopped gaping, I thought:  Wait...why am I still friends with you again? Why are you so scared? According to the genius. its about protecting your heart but letting your d!@# hang free. WTF.  It's no wonder that he gets into all sorts of scraps with a variety of creatures and is unable to hold on to the woman he really likes.

It is also this type of warped thinking by men and women that makes people doubt themselves to the extent that everyone lives in fear. No one wants to commit, even saying 'I like you' is tantamount to a declaration of grand love. People are crippled by an inability to even express affection, but they don't have trouble fucking around or playing with others' feelings. What the hell is going on?  

Just because a man/woman is scared, indecisive and doubtful doesn't mean that you have to be too. To be honest, I'm not as brave as I sound - I've been hurt many times too. But at the same time, I won't let self doubt cramp my style. Naive? No...I'd rather be upfront about my intentions so that there is no mistaking what I want. Games are for kids.

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About those babies...

My boss recently remarked in amusement. "You have a different way of treating kids."

Woman caught me having a conversation with her toddler of 18months during a short car ride. The kid's cute as a button and learning to speak ...she can't talk yet, so it's just baby babbling for now and me, I'm just yakky. It's entertaining to just react to babies. By reacting, I don't mean bring on the baby talk (like seriously? even the kid will be embarrassed if they knew), just talk to them.

Ok, let's set the record straight: I'm cool with kids. I like them but I don't see the need to coo or go bonkers over them at any given turn. Why?

Because I raised my brother from a baby till he was 11. So I went through the crying, pooping, vomiting, being sick. I cleaned up, fed and took him to school. Basically, much of my experience is similar to that of a single mum. At the same time, I was also privvy to the times where he first laughed, took his first steps, ate his first damned bug, began talking and is just an effusive child who could enjoy life as it is. Therefore, while I like kids, I have no illusions about them. I remember playing with him and reading to him way before he could even sit up. I'm glad that he still reads today and that we can now talk on a deeper level.

I just don't see why you have to molly-coddle or fuss unnecessarily over kids or babies. Hence, I tend to treat them like little adults. I talk to them and basically encourage them to use a little creativity and imagination. And of course, sometimes I tend to be a just as crazy when I'm around them. Hey, these are kids...loosen up! 
Adults today tend to think of kids as either: 

  • Something of a novelty. You want, you want, you want. But have you really tried? Go look after someone's baby for a month, then come back and tell me if it is all fun and games. 
  • Fragile as blown glass. For goodness sake, kids are a hardy bunch! They will fall and get hurt but it's part of growing up...just keep an eye on them, and don't smother them with your endless attention.
  • A stuffed toy. Hallo, you do realize that kids are people too? When I was a kid, I played in the drains, caught little wiggly fish and ran all over the estate with my friends. None of us got the diseases that the kids today are catching. Go figure.
Anyhooo, kids are kids. I like 'em, won't go mad over 'em. End of story.

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It's about being true to yourself



I've been a bit of a bear with regards to relationships and their quirky little issues these past couple of posts. It's hard to be a fount of  patience when you see people scrambling around madly. Especially if they are a good friend who is being dangled. Yes, relationships all turn us a wee bit nutty but do you have to let it drive you completely insane? 

No, dammit, NO! 

In the pursuit of a relationship, we shouldn't forsake who and what we are just so that we can be pursued or just so that we can pursue someone. It's something that a lot of people keep forgetting. We keep asking our other halves or the people we are dating: what do you want out of this relationship? When in actual fact, we should be reflecting upon ourselves and asking what do WE want? 

If we are constantly trying to make someone happy, then what of ourselves or our own needs? I say, if you can't be yourself with the other person, reconsider. The real you deserves as much love and attention as your other half.

I say we have to wake up to our own needs. Take a really good look at yourself and ask: Am I dating this person simply because they are there? Is this person making me happy? The moment you start withholding a comment that you would usually pass, ask: Am I being true to who I am? Or am I just making nice for now? 

Now, can you also respond honestly?

If the person is pushing to do something that you disagree with or are not ready for, do you just grin and bear it? Or just say no? Personally, I'd respect a person who would disagree with me. I'd respect them even more if they can tell me why straight up. Again, I ask, if you cannot be yourself, then what is the point?

There is so much we can argue about being in, out or looking for a relationship,getting married and all but we have to remember not to lose ourselves in the pursuit of happiness. 

I read two articles this week that underscore my commitment to being true to myself:
Who Cares What Women (or Men) Want—What Do You Want? and  The Wrong Reason to Get Married—and the Right Way to Think about It. So what does a single girl like me know about being in a relationship, you ask? Well, what I can say is that, in finding the right mate, I will try as much as I can to stay as true to myself and my beliefs as much as I can. 

Cos if I don't, I know that there would be some trusted person who'll slap me back into place. Heh.

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Where to now, good Captain?

In the blink of an eye, it's already March.
Work is picking up steadily, we have six weeks or so to prepare for the India salsa festival, West Coast Swing is finally working for me and I am feeling a little happier about where I am personally. It's been a somewhat tricky time at home but the good news is, that things are moving in a more positive direction now.
On the personal front, it's nice to spend my birthday and for once, Valentine's with a really cool person. What I don't appreciate are people asking me a barrage of questions about where all this is heading in the attempt to suss me out. Just why on earth would you ask someone you barely know about their personal life?
Bloody hell. I know that we are all obsessed with finding The One, but please refrain from getting all excited on my behalf. I actually like the way things are now, so if you see me out, just smile and say hi, don't get too excited. Don't make me kill you for no good reason.
Moving right along...
When it comes to relationships, I learned that girls and guys have very much the same reactions and feelings to certain things. It's funny but somewhat true. I've been having a few conversations on the topic with a close circle of friends and it's pretty interesting and sometimes too bloody amusing to say the least. 

  • Men get nervous about the woman's reactions. Why the hell do they always think we will go mad about everything. Really, if you avoid the PMS period, all is good.
  • Women get nervous when men don't react. Men, wake up, if she asks you a question, she definitely wants to know what you think. And if she goes crazy, its probably because you didn't respond.
  • Sex may kill or boost a relationship. We are not on TV, we don't have to jump straight into sex.
  • We all over analyze. To the point of driving ourselves and our friends nuts.
  • We all have no clue what the other party is thinking....and no, age has nothing to do with gaining telepathic powers. The only ones with that power are our mums.
  • Communication is about talking about things...anything! Not just about saying 'I miss you' at odd times of the day. 
  • Talking about your ideal relationship or where you want things to be doesn't mean that you have to have all this right now. Take a chill pill and enjoy the ride!
  • Asking questions and opening up is scary! Remember, it's about discovery, not about being part of the Spanish Inquisition.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg. Maybe I should do a series of posts on this...what do you think?

It's nice to be back though :)

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Ever prodded a sleeping dragon, only to have it whip up and bite you in the ass? Well, neither have I. But I advocate that you should try everything...once ;P

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