How about being struck by lightning again?
And so, it’s back to being singleton again. For some reason, this
time it doesn’t feel as bad. I went from being very upset to really angry and
then…nothing.
On the other hand, the eventual apathy is nothing new. Even when coupled up, he was always busy or too busy or travelling and I continued with my dancing, work and friends. The thing that really stuck in my craw in the end was: If he can stay things that are true to himself, then why can’t I say mine and get an acknowledgement or a decent argument out of it? So much for communication... pfft. More like two idiots just blabbering with no one listening. The thing that probably galled him was that I didn’t just want to sit around wondering, I dumped him. That is me, being true to myself.
On the other hand, the eventual apathy is nothing new. Even when coupled up, he was always busy or too busy or travelling and I continued with my dancing, work and friends. The thing that really stuck in my craw in the end was: If he can stay things that are true to himself, then why can’t I say mine and get an acknowledgement or a decent argument out of it? So much for communication... pfft. More like two idiots just blabbering with no one listening. The thing that probably galled him was that I didn’t just want to sit around wondering, I dumped him. That is me, being true to myself.
Through my rather checkered dating history I’ve learnt a few
important things:
- If you don’t stand up for what you believe in, no one else will do it for you. It’s not about being selfish and only wanting your end of things but making a point. Then hopefully coming to some sort of compromise that both parties can live with
- If things are worth fighting for then do it. If there is no fight or you just grunt and give in. It doesn’t mean that things are ok. It just means that you end up resenting each other over time
- Things are your fault too. A part of what happened is my fault. I let things carry on, I talked things over with him with the hope that I would get through. In the end, I learned that he is holding on to an idea or rather ideal that neither me, nor anyone else can crack.
Through it all, I feel like I came out with the knowledge and
strength that I can do better. I deserve better. The strong part of the
relationship taught me a lot about myself and who I am. What I can accept and
what I can’t. Now that I have these values, it’s not something that is simply
discarded but to be worked into part of my psyche.
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| From top left, clockwise: the great goulash experiment, paragliding, check out the sandstorm, ayam masak merah and some party animals |
These couple of weeks has been pretty darned good, actually. There’s
been experimental cooking, the unavoidable cleaning, liver pickling, constantly
improving the salsa dancing, making new friends, the great paragliding attempt (I
made it off the ground for a soft launch!), mad karaoke singing and learning new
things about my colleagues and friends here. Broadband at home paved the way
for virtual tours of my house to close friends and family as well as new,
addictive TV series’ J
Oh and did I mention a sandstorm and tremors that I and everyone in Dubai
survived?
I guess I’m staying on this path for a while longer, it's a happy path :) oh and can someone get me this for my house, please?
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