Mouthing Off...: friends

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Celebrating a year in the life

Come to think of it, this year was pretty darned exciting. It was a year of learning to overcome new challenges. I moved to a new country, made new friends, got stranded by the very same company that hired me, worked my ass off, cut a dead relationship and toxic people off from my life, learned that people change along with their political alliances and that friends, no matter where you are, will always support you and be there for you.

‘Finding yourself’ is not just a stupid term coined by people with a hollow self-fulfilling prophesy. You just need the time and space to do it. Space to breathe, take in where you are and realize that things aren't so bad after all... You can DO this!

There were a few firsts: went on secret booze runs, learned how to ski, that great paragliding attempt, moved into the world’s most Spartan house, went travelling with my sister, saw more of the Middle East and actually quite liked it, and welcomed both friends and family to the new crib.

How the hell do you cram everything into one damned collage? LOL

And with the good, came the challenges. I guess that being more gung-ho than your average schmo, I was always up for a new challenge. Stepping outside of a comfort zone is never easy. I made a decision and then jumped straight in. Was it the best decision I ever made? Let me get back to you on that… I have to confess that it brought about one of the biggest frustrations ever. For a foreigner in this country, I was faced with the most unhelpful people who refused to step even an inch out of their designated work scope. Everyone was too mired in their own bureaucratic bullshit to realize that hey, the person you hired doesn't know how things work – this shit is new *rolls eyes* Get over yourselves, people!

Professionally, I quickly remembered what it was like to work in-house. To succeed means to be able to successfully navigate political landmines in order to deliver what you are hired for: the work. At times it feels like I am both the conductor and the musician in an orchestra. You just want to kick everyone and yell, WAKE THE FUCK UP! That said I realized that the woman who used to so readily agree to things is no longer. While there are no stupid ideas, at least come with one that can be executed in a reasonable way.

In terms of new adventures and people. Zumba became part of my new regimen, while social dancing introduced me to more dancers and I continued to feed my wanderlust. New friends remain in the same vein as the old ones, boozy, mouthy and full of surprises. It is just cool to find people with a similar sense of fun or silliness that you can just hang out with. Hail to banditry and shenanigans!

Checking out Jordan, Oman and Abu Dhabi

Of banditry and shenanigans

On a personal note, I found that when you take chances, sometimes good things happen. It opens your heart to new experiences or even a new people. While I won’t go into details on the blog, close friends should know what I am talking about. Maybe it is because I shed unrealistic expectations and baggage, maybe I just happened to be at the right place at the right time, maybe I am ready to move forward. Who knows? I am ever thankful for all the good, the bad and the challenges.

And so, here’s my wish to you for the New Year

posted under 2013, family, friends, life, love, musings, wanderlust, work | 0 Comments

I like it like that

Let me set the record straight. Since moving to Dubai, I enjoy staying on my own and doing things by myself. Hanging out at home is actually comfortable and even cleaning my house can be fun (ha! My mother would love to hear me say that in person!). The one thing that I certainly never done whether here or back home is keep thinking of things to do, pile my days and nights with endless activities or have a packed social calendar to feel ‘busy’. I am able to find little projects or hang out with people who do not stress me out. I like that.

Do I get bored or restless? Hell yes, then I simply think of something to do and get to it. If I can enlist an accomplice to share my little adventure, all the better! Otherwise I just do it on my own. It’s odd how sometimes doing things on your own can be freeing. You have the freedom to make mistakes and simply let yourself go. It’s also a more humbling experience where there is no posturing or showboating. That’s why I started taking dance and fitness classes on my own. I don’t need to rely on others or blame others if they can’t make a session. The responsibility falls solely on me. I'm ok with that and focusing on what I’m there to do.

In doing this, I sometimes miss having a friend to talk to, laugh and discuss things with. But then again, why not talk to the people around me? Isn’t that how you meet new people and widen your social circle? I guess it’s easier for me to talk to people partly because of the job I do. Talking to strangers, whether they are business associates, CEOs, journalists, vendors or even the man on the street is a matter of perspective adjustment. For me, not everyone can be a friend or is. Interactions are always a very personal choice.

In dealing with homesickness (rarely) and missing my family and friends, there is always Skype and WhatsApp or the ever reliable Facebook. I’ve relied on these tools more often now that I am away. However, there is always that personal sense of closeness that I never lose sight of. No matter where my family or friends are, we always take the time to connect and support each other. I also grew up with friends and family who had their own lives and I respect that. No one likes a cling-on!

So bottom line is this: I like where I am now emotionally; having room to think about what I need, who I want in my life and am taking steps to achieve it, as well as physically; ok, the weather can be less bloody sweltering and some people need to take a smart pill, but still. The independence is gratifying and I am slowly discovering new things about myself, my environment and a circle of friends here. That to me, the a great start towards new adventures :)

posted under family, friends, life, musings | 0 Comments

How about being struck by lightning again?

And so, it’s back to being singleton again. For some reason, this time it doesn’t feel as bad. I went from being very upset to really angry and then…nothing.

On the other hand, the eventual apathy is nothing new. Even when coupled up, he was always busy or too busy or travelling and I continued with my dancing, work and friends. The thing that really stuck in my craw in the end was: If he can stay things that are true to himself, then why can’t I say mine and get an acknowledgement or a decent argument out of it? So much for communication... pfft. More like two idiots just blabbering with no one listening. The thing that probably galled him was that I didn’t just want to sit around wondering, I dumped him. That is me, being true to myself.

Through my rather checkered dating history I’ve learnt a few important things:

If you don’t stand up for what you believe in, no one else will do it for you. It’s not about being selfish and only wanting your end of things but making a point. Then hopefully coming to some sort of compromise that both parties can live with

If things are worth fighting for then do it. If there is no fight or you just grunt and give in. It doesn’t mean that things are ok. It just means that you end up resenting each other over time
Things are your fault too. A part of what happened is my fault. I let things carry on, I talked things over with him with the hope that I would get through. In the end, I learned that he is holding on to an idea or rather ideal that neither me, nor anyone else can crack.

Through it all, I feel like I came out with the knowledge and strength that I can do better. I deserve better. The strong part of the relationship taught me a lot about myself and who I am. What I can accept and what I can’t. Now that I have these values, it’s not something that is simply discarded but to be worked into part of my psyche.

From top left, clockwise: the great goulash experiment, paragliding, check out the sandstorm, ayam masak merah and some party animals

These couple of weeks has been pretty darned good, actually. There’s been experimental cooking, the unavoidable cleaning, liver pickling, constantly improving the salsa dancing, making new friends, the great paragliding attempt (I made it off the ground for a soft launch!), mad karaoke singing and learning new things about my colleagues and friends here. Broadband at home paved the way for virtual tours of my house to close friends and family as well as new, addictive TV series’ J Oh and did I mention a sandstorm and tremors that I and everyone in Dubai survived?

I guess I’m staying on this path for a while longer, it's a happy path :) oh and can someone get me this for my house, please?

posted under cooking. hobbies, friends, life, love. home, musings, relationships, work | 0 Comments

It’s been quite a while, baby!

And yet, it doesn’t feel like so long. Have you ever been in situations like that?

The past year was a bit of a mixed bag. It was the year of discovery for me. Learning about who I was and what sort of person I can be under all sorts of situations. I am lucky to have found someone who has stuck with me through this all. Now, now, don’t faint. A girl is entitled to have her romances and yes, keep it to herself. I’d just like to credit him for helping me through all this. He’s kept me sane and worked through a lot of the bullshit. He didn’t freak or run. And because he is such a stellar guy, added to some of my stress. You damned man! But for all that it is, Thank You *Hugs*

Dancing went to a totally new dimension. I am really lucky to be dancing with really awesome salsa team. The DanceUnlimited journey was demanding and has taken us from freakish amateurs to performers who danced at some of the best festivals around the region.

Those costumes! Gah!

From China, to Thailand to India, we just got better and better and yes, the costumes, skimpier. Any self-esteem issues that I had earlier are much diminished! There is never a dull moment when these guys are around and some of our shenanigans have burned itself into my memory forever!

As for West Coast Swing, somewhere along the way, I started enjoying the dance for itself. Grooving to the music and simply letting go J

The amazing peeps who kept the passion burning!

Starting out was kind of hard but along the way, I made new and firm friends with the people in the WCS community in Singapore and two special friends from Adelaide. I also took part in my very first Jack & Jill! Super nerve wracking and of course I didn’t do all that well. It’s my first time! Dammit.

Work-wise, I was good, I was bad, I was up, down, trying to find that feeling again. Thanks to Barry Manilow, I have the right words. For someone who’s never viewed her job as simply a job, this was a terrible blow. In all my years, I have never experienced such an intense period of self-doubt and was continually forced to examine and re-examine if what I was doing was the right thing. Was it only me?

Parts of it, definitely, but I am not accepting all the damned blame. I’m no doormat. For me, work is about doing the job to the best of your ability. Not about the drama. I’ve always been open-minded about my career and take in criticism and feedback to improve. The stick in my craw is being criticized repeatedly. Every mistake is highlighted, sometimes publicly, from the big ones to the tiniest – what is the point of this? It’s like no one here ever makes a mistake. I totally get how Bill Murray felt in Groundhog Day now. Constantly being told that “you are good, but just not good enough” is enough to dishearten the most optimistic person. At the end of the day, it was a ‘good’ thing that my mum’s medical situation acted up. As much as I liked some of the people that I worked with, I don’t think I could have taken this treatment much longer. Everyone has a threshold and mine was at its end.

My lifeline, my crazy bunch of friends, family and loved ones helped me stay sane and liquored up throughout it all. I don’t have to see you all the time to know that you are there for me. I’m a bit of an oddball for sure. But you guys have been a lifeline no matter which part of the world you come from J I’m letting the pictures speak for themselves this time….

Well, you can't get them all

This New Year brings the start of new adventures. New things to look forward to and new challenges to overcome – I’m looking forward to them. Starting on a clean slate is always good. The quest to grow should be driven by what you want and how you can achieve it. Criticism should be taken in and then used to pave new and braver roads ahead J Here’s to a great 2013!

posted under friends, life, musings, review, work | 0 Comments

Racism. Is there still room for it?

While Singaporeans were all up in arms over Amy Cheong's ugly remarks over the past few weeks, it got me thinking: is there really room for the race card now that there is a growing number of children and adults of mixed races?

As we become more globalized couples of all races are inter-marrying and creating children of mixed races. It's a reality that we have to wake up to. Sure, there are people who prefer to date and marry within their race, that is a personal choice.

The world has evolved and so must we. Instead of making childish or ignorant comments in the vein of 'my race is better than yours', why don't we teach our kids more about their roots?

Being a child, or rather, woman of mixed race myself, I don't condone what Amy has done. I also don't support small-minded Singaporeans who jump on the support or disparage bandwagon blindly. The issue here is not simply about one race against another. Admit it, we all make fun of the weird aspects of each other's races. Ribbing is part of growing up but it should remain just that. Don't be a moron and take it online.

When I was growing up, I was part of a tiny minority. Teachers had no idea how to classify me, the kids were a bit more forgiving. If you've seen me, I look anything from Chinese to Indian or Malay, at times Eurasian, I speak three of the national languages, two of its dialects and still celebrate almost all the traditional festivals. People just had no idea of what to make if kids like me. Sounds sad, right?

Not at all. I had a great childhood because I had the best of all my worlds. Growing up, I had the most diverse set of friends. They came from all walks of life and from all sorts of cultures. Some have remained my closest comrades. I attended parties for almost every kid in the estate. I was never part of any cliques (seriously, what clique?) I learnt more about who I am as a Chinese/Indian/Peranakan kid. On the religious front, I was exposed to more religions for which I am grateful. One aspect of my race doesn't define me. I am defined by ALL aspects of my races.

This is probably the reason why I have never thought it was wrong or different if couples from other races got together. Personally, I dated whomever I wanted to, not because of their race but because of who they are. What I thought was weird was kids or adults who only had single race friends. It feels weird because it seems like they are too afraid to venture outside of their comfort zones to see that there are so many other great people.

Consider this little nugget before I go: Today, people of single-races may be the majority. But what will happen when multi-cultural people become the majority? Would you want yourself or your children to be discriminated against or would you rather have people learn and carry the values of your race through the ages? We have to open our eyes and hearts and start learning now. There is no room for racism.

posted under amy cheong, friends, growing up, life, musing, people, racism | 2 Comments

With stars in their eyes

When it comes to relationships, how much are you willing to risk?

I've been having several conversations with different people about this and it is logical that most people are risk adverse when it comes to relationships. The men are of the opinion that you should always date within your area, as in country, neighborhood, etc. The closer she is, the easier it is to get to know the woman. They won't consider long-distance unless they are really interested.

The women on the other hand, are more optimistic or even idealistic. They think that they can change things if they showed up or make the effort. Most I spoke with are willing to travel to meet a guy they are interested in. Some commute, changed jobs and even installed themselves in a foreign country. For the ladies and the men who did all that and are now with the person that they love. Kudos. The pursuit of love is never easy and I'm glad that both of you worked things out and are still at it.

I am always the idealistic one. I believe that if I work at it, things will happen. After all, isn't that what love is about? If I show the guy how things can be, what I am like, won't he just want to fall in with my plan?

NO.

It's been a tough life lesson to learn. My heart has been broken a few times because of my idealism. Throughout all the pain and the tears, I learnt that just the willingness to work things out on my part is not enough. The other half has to want it too. In fact, the other half has to want to meet you halfway. One party making all the plans and taking the risk is insufficient in making a relationship work.

This mindset shift of mine didn't occur overnight. It took really hard knocks, talking to-s and soul searching to come to this point. While my heart is still there, I am less idealistic. I've rubbed off some of the stars in my eyes to see what I truly want. There will be no game-playing, I want my other half to be able to prove that I am not alone in this. He has to step up too. But this is me, proceeding with caution but still with an open heart.

Ultimately, I will still encourage my friends to pursue the person they want. But that doesn't mean that I will be blindly supportive. I will still ask the tough questions and raise the concerns. I will also listen and offer advice. The final decision will always be theirs. After all, if I can't do that or if they can't accept or choose to ponder the points, then what's the point? Taking the risk also means having people around you, open your eyes to the pitfalls that may come.

posted under friends, life, love, musings, relationships | 0 Comments

It's about being true to yourself

I've been a bit of a bear with regards to relationships and their quirky little issues these past couple of posts. It's hard to be a fount of patience when you see people scrambling around madly. Especially if they are a good friend who is being dangled. Yes, relationships all turn us a wee bit nutty but do you have to let it drive you completely insane?

No, dammit, NO!

In the pursuit of a relationship, we shouldn't forsake who and what we are just so that we can be pursued or just so that we can pursue someone. It's something that a lot of people keep forgetting. We keep asking our other halves or the people we are dating: what do you want out of this relationship? When in actual fact, we should be reflecting upon ourselves and asking what do WE want?

If we are constantly trying to make someone happy, then what of ourselves or our own needs? I say, if you can't be yourself with the other person, reconsider. The real you deserves as much love and attention as your other half.

I say we have to wake up to our own needs. Take a really good look at yourself and ask: Am I dating this person simply because they are there? Is this person making me happy? The moment you start withholding a comment that you would usually pass, ask: Am I being true to who I am? Or am I just making nice for now?

Now, can you also respond honestly?

If the person is pushing to do something that you disagree with or are not ready for, do you just grin and bear it? Or just say no? Personally, I'd respect a person who would disagree with me. I'd respect them even more if they can tell me why straight up. Again, I ask, if you cannot be yourself, then what is the point?

There is so much we can argue about being in, out or looking for a relationship,getting married and all but we have to remember not to lose ourselves in the pursuit of happiness.

I read two articles this week that underscore my commitment to being true to myself:

Who Cares What Women (or Men) Want—What Do You Want? and The Wrong Reason to Get Married—and the Right Way to Think about It. So what does a single girl like me know about being in a relationship, you ask? Well, what I can say is that, in finding the right mate, I will try as much as I can to stay as true to myself and my beliefs as much as I can.

Cos if I don't, I know that there would be some trusted person who'll slap me back into place. Heh.

posted under friends, life, love, musings, relationships | 0 Comments

Fancy a happy ending, mate?

The Crystals probably sang it the best:

Well he walked up to me
And he asked me if I wanted to dance
He looked kinda nice
And so I said I might take a chance
When he danced he held me tight
And when he walked me home that night
All the stars were shining bright
And then he kissed me

Blame it on Hollywood or the excess of bloody romantic novels that I read but have you ever wondered what happens after the chase is over? There is the dramatic, music, the birds will chirp, you've tasted true love's kiss and then?

You both open your eyes and go, oh, that was great, lovey poo... Now let's get back to work.

I don't know about you but while it's always good to have that romantic fantasy in the back of your head, the reality falls short. Almost all the time. Well, unless you work at it.

With all the hurry-burry and the madness of our lives today, it's like everyone seems to be pushing themselves towards that grand wedding, buying that dream house, 'we MUST get together' and oh, when will we ever have sex? But why am I pondering these bloody questions?

A good friend of mine sparked off this train of thought when he was sharing some angst about his new lady love. Apparently, said lady love seems to be in a grand hurry about getting them from dating to committed and married in the space of a few weeks. Don't get me wrong, they have been seeing each other every couple of day and chatting online. Things seem to be going well but she comes across like a steamroller at times. She states her wants and expects that he feels the same and that all will be agreed upon, nice and easily.

Are you freaking kidding me? I know that none of us are getting any younger but since when do we need a dating guarantee to get things off the ground? It left me wondering, what if my friend had said yes to her mad demands and questions... and then what? It's good that some women are straightforward and can take the lead in relationships but what is the guarantee that if one party acquiescenced, that things would simply fall into place?

Sure, there are some cases where things will fall into place, but realistically, you have to work at things before you can reap even a small measure of success. But withthe right person, it may not feel like you are working all that much?

Me, I'm just a grumpy friend who just wished that the lady love would take a chill pill (or pills) and wait, give the man a chance to get used to the idea before going all mental. He will come around. You'll see.

posted under dating, friends, musings, relationships, romance | 0 Comments

Days of inspiration

People. They drive me bonkers.

Confounding, complex and oftimes just a pain in the arse. This year is filled with so many different people, characters and personalities that I feel like I am in a comic book or in Les Mis. This is the year I learned how complicated people can make my life, how even the smallest thing can trigger the biggest changes and how sometimes, those who you regard as your closest allies can cling to their own beliefs with such ardor that they are blind to anything else.

This post is dedicated to the people who made my ride all the more colorful. You made me swear incessantly at you (some in person, some in other forms) or with you. Thanks to you, I laugh more, found a new job with great support from a strong team, refined my hobbies, lowered tolerance for idiots and become less passive-aggressive. You encouraged me step out of my comfort zone to meet new people and do things that I probably wouldn't even consider because I am such a lazy arse.

To the lost friends, too bloody bad. Yes, God may have brought you back to my life for whatever reason. One of it is probably for me to personally tell you fuck off. It's cold, but what can I say? While I like reconnecting with lost friends, I also believe that some should just remain lost. Not every connection is for the better. Especially if it reminds you of a particularly horrible time in your life. Just bloody move on.

If you are wondering how the fricking hell I managed to work around all these people, don't. Staying in touch is not rocket science. It's about reaching out and strengthening ties to the people who are already there. So friends are outside of your work environment, it doesn't mean that they should be neglected or accorded less respect just because you have a high-and-mighty job. If you don't take the time to meet up, chat or even do something...anything together, then what's the point of remaining friends? Who will want to make time for someone who doesn't bother? It's not only about you...it's also about the other party who has taken the time to reconnect. Uh huh, it is just like a relationship, people, except you don't have to sleep with your friend (unless you want to...but that is a whole different story).

It takes effort on all sides to do this but believe me, the pay-offs are pretty great :o) The proof is in the pictures.

posted under dance, friends, pictures, wanderlust, work | 0 Comments

Summertime Santa

Over the weekend, Singapore's commuter rails and its governing body, the SMRT took a beating when it broke down, causing massive human and traffic jams and general chaos. In spite if that and in the spirit of Christmas and yes, mad creativity, my friends, The Glad Stones took to the train (the working ones) to spread some Christmas cheer. I'm not a fan of traditional Christmas songs, but I have to say that this is a pretty fun little tune. And uh, yay to my first attempt at being a video girl *blush*

While I'd like to say that Singaporeans are spontaneous and great at appreciating spontaneous talent, just take a look at the people that are watching them. LOL

We were almost done with the filming and were headed for a break when...we stumbled across an unsuspecting Santa! Merry Christmas all!

posted under christmas, friends, music, santa, Singapore, smrt, summertime, The Glad Stones, train | 0 Comments

Ant's vingettes of fun

Today's post is a compilation of limericks from my good friend, who has weird methods of cheering a girl up. Thanks, Antsy Pants and chin up!

There was a young man from Bombay
who made a false fanny from clay
but the heat from his dick
turned the pussy to a brick
and wore all his foreskin away

=================================

There was a young man named bill,
who swallowed a dynamite pill,
his heart retired,
his bum backfired,
and his willy shot over the hill

=================================

The once was a young girl from Norway

Who hung by her feet from the doorway;

Which worked out quite well,

'Cause when you rang her bell,

It actually turned out to be foreplay!

=================================

posted under friends, tortured poetry | 0 Comments

There and back again

There, that is my Hobbit reference for this post. Sadly, I didn't find any evil ring to go along with it but I had interesting adventures, nonetheless.

San Diego is definitely one of the cooler cities in the US, made more so by good friends who live in it :o) From this trip I've learned that:

Their zoo is way better than ours. There is a travellator! And pandas! And kiwis! And a cable car! Sadly, no Ron Burgundy.
The weather rocks. As does the Mexican food and oddly enough, the sushi in Seau's.
Sitting in front of a Japanese snack shack in the park could result in inadvertently selling bowls of teriyaki chicken to passers-by.
I can actually drink red wine in the house, outside or anywhere I damn well like it. Anytime I like it.
Tokyo Iced Teas are dangerous, no matter how high your alcohol tolerance level is. You'll end up stumbling home like drunken sailors.
No matter where you are, McDonald's has the best cures for hangovers.
I really am Filipino.
I am not a mail order bride. Damn Yu!
The best spot to see the city skyline is from the bay, in a boat.

We also took a side trip to Vegas and the Hoover Dam and therein lies more learning points:

If you are a woman in Vegas, the dress code is always: party slut-ish. The shorter and tighter, the higher the heels, the better. Sadly, I failed in that aspect having no short, tight dress or heels despite being hobbit-ish.
If you are cute, it doesn't matter whose fake ID you use. Even if it is the same as the person standing next to you.
Sex sells. Even if you are lighted balls that swim in a pond, set to music and interesting lighting. People will watch and wonder, what the heck was I thinking.
At any given time, something has to cum. This I learnt at breakfast when I stupidly stirred my coke float. The ensuing mess was not looked upon kindly.
The damn Dam, as we like to call it is massive and awesome. Plus you can fry an egg on the top of it too.
Drunken-ness is a state of normalcy. We were headed to the pool at around 5pm where a guy was being escorted away on a wheel chair with a plastic baggie around his ears. Noice.
The pool is really a pick-up joint, not a place for excercising.
Chupakabras are one of my new favourite drinks. Puts a fire in the belly.

Clock-wise from top: Mel & I, Tokyo Iced Ts, the damn Dam, everyone at Lei Lounge, chupacabras and the three amigos at SeaWorld.

That said, I would definitely make a return trip in future! I still have to get INTO freaking Comic Con to live out my geekish aspirations even if I have to get that freaking Princess Leia costume. All in a trip's work, I say.

posted under friends, san diego, wanderlust | 0 Comments

Like a freaking magnet

Have you ever had the experience where you hang out with your guy friends for a period of time and then suddenly one of them pops up one day to declare: Guess what, I’m officially attached! So when will you go out and find someone?

What's a girl to do, really?

Makes me want to deck the smuggy buggers.

This is not new. Apparently most of my guy friends (both new and old) who hang around me for some time tend to get attached within a couple of months. It’s not like I’m a match-maker, I don’t introduce anyone to them or anything. One moment, the fella is happy being a swinging single, just waiting to pounce on some unsuspecting female and then? The next time you meet, he tells you about this new girl he’s seeing and how they are embarking on some adventure or another. It’s like woa…dude.

Just to clarify, when I hang out with the boys, we don’t do anything out of the ordinary; we hang out, there are lots of drinks, talk a house down, play agony aunt/uncle and do the occasional party. Romantic ties? There are none, they are just friends. Yes, you can be platonic friends with your friends from the other sex.

I’ve been observing this and the stats speak for themselves: two marriages and at least four of my good friends are now part of a couple. All in the span of two years! Although there have been some breakups, those are few and far between. WTH? Am I some sort of girlfriend magnet? Does hanging out with guy friends make them more attractive to other women? Maybe the lunkheads eventually cotton to better behaviour towards the fairer sex? They sure as hell can’t read my mind and get testily told off for being idiots most of the time.

Chope. This is all good but what about me? Hallo, kawan-kawan, can you please return the favour? Yes, I am happy that you lunkheads have found your special someone. Now can you please get off your arses and feel free to expend some mojo/good karma to me? When you get married, I will pow a bigger ang pow in gratitude, kthanxbye J

Unfortunately, my freakish powers do not extend to my female friends. In contrast, they seem to break up, seek independence and the freedom to do whatever and whomever they want ;) Talk about role reversals!

Ah well, you can’t have everything, right?

posted under friends, musings, relationships | 2 Comments

Farewell, my friend

I've known you for such a short time, but in that little window you touched my heart.

Whoever knew it could be jump started as such?

You were my little ray of sunshine, that mischievous little mutt.

And even Belle will miss you, even though she'd never admit it out loud.

And so I bid you adieu,

I will miss our evening jaunts in the park, fighting over toast and the early morning scuttles around the house

Who else will give me pleading glances over my chocolate bars?

But hey, I will heal, some tears but it's all ok.

That is, until I get my hands on that driver who got away.

posted under epitaph, friends, life, pets | 2 Comments

The step

The hardest step to take is the first
from where we sit, the height looks daunting
the light's too bright
all we can do is stare.

Your heart's pounding
palms sweaty,
take a deep breath
for it can be done.

Grudgingly, courage surfaces,
peeking out from the shadows shyly,
Digging deep we reach for strength
and the chutzpah to pull us through

No matter what, this is a step in a new direction
It can be and will be done
only then can we release the hold of old fears
and emerge as a stronger, braver person.

Dedicated to that crazy person who sends me amazing Sammy pictures

posted under friends, tortured poetry | 2 Comments

Dating and the single female

It seems that after a while, almost everyone I know has tried or is trying out online dating sites to see if they can meet that elusive other half. Not that there is anything wrong with being introduced to potential dates or meeting people at clubs, bookstores or at your building but online sites tend to offer people the more direct route into someone’s personality before you meet them.

Over the last weekend, a bunch of girlfriends and I we were discussing the types of people that we’ve come across in our various online/offline expeditions.

Interviewers. Intense sorts who ask a lot of questions. All you can think is: am I interviewing for a job? (and why did I say yes to talking to this fella?)
Serial shaggers. Men who prowl dating sites for an easy lay. Some actually bother with a nice introduction schpiel before launching into their actual intentions.
BFFs. Guys who want to widen their social circle, meet more friends, etc. This is the category that most guys fall into.
The undecided. These types should be shown the door immediately. They have no freaking clue what they want because they probably just broke up. They will tell you their life story and can't decide if they want to date, should date or continue dating. They probably can’t find their way out of a paper bag while holding a flashlight.

Thus far, the results have been less than stellar. At most, we've all made a few new friends. At worst, we had to fend off some horny asshole or another. I have to say that while being propositioned is somewhat flattering, it’s not how most women work. I'm disturbed that some guys actually think that they can get away with such things, especially in Singapore. Hello, did you think I was born yesterday? It’s quite disturbing but is this the new way of dating? You shag someone first then decide if you want to continue to see them? I don’t think I will ever get this concept.

I have to say though, that the most frustrating, hair-tearing type to meet online is the ‘almost right one’. You click, you find so many things about each other that are complementary and you can hold a decent conversation. Then at the last moment, he either does a Houdini, or ups and says ‘let’s just be friends’ or ‘I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship’. Un-fucking-believable.

The one thing I did cotton to early is that whether online or offline, some main dating rules still apply.

Always look great. Whether it's your profile picture or your general appearance. Make the effort. No one wants to date a slob or the bag lady...save your inner slob for later. Shallow? Of course. If anything, online dating allows you sift out the chaff even faster.
Be yourself. Nerves get the best of us, but both parties will enjoy themselves more if you relax a little and be yourselves.
Never reveal information you don't have to. Enigmatic is the word!
Keep dates brief, but your date interested. Less is always more.

At the rate I'm going, it seems that I'd be better off diving back to my busy schedule. What is the point, really?

posted under dating, friends, life, rant | 0 Comments

Some days, it ain't worth it

Picture thanks to Tom Phillips

Mondays.

On days such as these, I just do NOT want to be in the office or anywhere near work. I am generally grouchy and it’s best to stay away.

There is something about Mondays that just pisses me off. So it is the day where work begins for most of us, cue nonsense people calling, work piling up and things that won’t work smoothly. I just end up like Garfield – wanted to pull my blanket over my head and hide from the world while I ‘work out’ my issues with the day. Don’t get me wrong, I generally like my work. I just despise Mondays.

Then I find out that a guy friend of mine got hitched over the weekend. Cue small panic attack.

Just when you think that Monday couldn’t get worse, it almost imperceptibly does. So why am I all panicked?

To me, this friend represents the type of expat who maximises his time in Asia. The type who lives the bachelor high-life, who does not really commit and is totally living for the moment. Ok, to his advantage, he was going out with his current girlfriend for sometime before tying the knot but still, him getting married just brings out the totally irrational feelings in me. If this clown can get married to the ‘simple’ girl he desires, what about me?

*breathes into a brown bag* Ok, ok so having a pity party for one is not so hot. But I’m human that way.
Now, don’t get carried away and think that I have any feelings for this clown. I don’t and never did. It’s been an amusing ride, watching him go through all the motions and I’m glad that he’s found his right woman but this post is about me.

It’s incredible how female friends who get married don’t rankle as much. But when male friends do, it is a bloody event. I feel like a mother whose child has finally grown up and found his feet - a totally ‘aww, my boy is finally getting married’ misty moment. I guess it’s just the fact that I thought these guys would never tire and settle down. Why? Because at any one time, the guys are always ‘on the hunt’ they never seem satisfied with what they have. Somehow younger, bigger tits and sleeker or just generally better looking is what they seem to seek. Brains seem to be optional.

It’s like a swift kick in the stomach. It brings up questions like: What am I doing about my life? Why am I still single? Am I not meeting the right people? Am I too cynical to love? Will I be alone? One particularly tragic-comic incident was the strange dream of me being married to Ryan Reynolds and having totally warm and fuzzy feelings (this is some weird Canadian connection, I’m sure) Am I going bonkers? ARGH! Channelling angst into my dreams! GAH!

I do get these feelings once in a while. Just a couple of twinges but nothing I can’t handle. To have the twinges extend to this is hysterically bad. *tries to calm down* Ok, ok…looks like some cheering up is inorder. In view that this is a Monday, I guess I can get away with a small pity party.

Tomorrow, things will fall back into equilibrium. For now, I will panic and then get over it.

posted under friends, life, love, rant, relationships | 2 Comments

Open your hearts

I've always been an advocate for being yourself no matter what and seeing this video from the Pixar staff reinforces that belief.

Many friends and family members have refrained from being who they are simply because of society, family and peer pressure. I believe that each individual has the right to be themselves and surround themselves with the people who love and support them regardless of their sexual preferences.

If you have people who react negatively towards you, walk away. It is not worth your self esteem and sanity to live with such prejudice. Don't live in the closet, live free and be who you are.

posted under friends, life, musings | 0 Comments

A wee taste of the highlands

And wow, what a fantastic taste indeed. I have to say that this holiday was great because there were friends to catch up with, new people to meet and amazing sights, sounds and tastes experienced.

So bags were packed and three women from Singapore and the US headed to London for about 10 days to catch up with our fourth friend, who lives there. The most amazing bit about this trip and the friends I traveled with is that they came from one of the unlikely-est social groups that I've been with. The Canadian Dragons - yes, these are the dragon boaters. No, I never rowed, but the friends that I've made from this group I've remained pretty close with.

That said, 10 days in London and Scotland is not enough. I've seen most of the sights in London during my first trip and this time, I tried not to go too mad with the shopping. On the other hand, Edinburgh as a city was amazing. We took a train to Edinburgh (four hours) and let me say that the first look at the city as you come up from the train station is quite a sight. Where else can you see a cosmopolitan city, surrounded by really old monuments plus a castle in the background?

Mel and I went on our own little trip and spent most of the time exploring the city, its historic castles, the cosy pubs and of course, going on their ever famous ghost tours. I swear, those Scots do love a good ol' blood bath. I can probably think of a person or three I'd like to see strung up and tortured...I'd even bring my own popcorn. Every other corner or rather junction of the city is marked by either a hanging or execution site. We took a day trip up to Oban, Iverary and Loch Lomond and were amazed by the highlands and the gorgeous lochs (or lakes, for you pleebs).

The weather was cold in Scotland. We're talking 1-3 degrees in the day, with frost on the ground in the highlands. Windy and sometimes rain. At one point, we actually came across girls who were wearing short dresses with no tights and slippers - bloody hell...and here we were, all bundled up. The consolation to that is of course the whiskey. Sadly, I'm not much of a whiskey girl - Sue was the one who got the most out of this. Mel & I had many a pint in the pubs to warm up instead.

Back in London, we managed to catch Dirty Dancing. I've always loved the movie but seeing it as a musical had definite perks. That plus a sizzling leading man. *drool* Overall, an astounding trip. Pictures to come in the Flickr box :o)

posted under friends, wanderlust | 0 Comments

Is there still a part of you that wants to give?

Sometimes you have to get to know someone really well to realize you're really strangers. ~ Mary Tyler Moore

When I first read this quote, I realized that hey, I DO know people like that!

Have you spent time with certain friends, say over the years or weeks and thought that you were really close friends. Then one day, they will do or say things that make you take a step back and go 'waaaiitt a minute'. What the hell?

Thing is: You probably never really knew them in the first place.

How much you know a person depends on what they choose to reveal to you. It's probably human nature or ego to want to keep up certain appearance so as to look invulnerable. But screw that, you're supposed to be friends, right? Sure, there is some part of you that wants to control things. If you can't reveal your vulnerabilities to anyone close, then you are probably better off alone.

I'm not so arrogant to say that I truly know each and every one of my friends or even family members. The closer ones are people that I've bonded with over various things or phases of my life while some others have gradually drifted away to become acquaintances.

There are a few who seem to thrive on some controversy or other. Those I find bloody tiring. Why complicate things? Maybe it's a need to constantly seek attention or the need to feel needed. I simply think it's because they are lousy conversationalists. Ha.