Time to pick my heart up off the floor

In the blink of an eye, another year has zoomed by. I can’t say that it has been a good year as aftermath of it was rather bittersweet.

Where work has kind of evened out to become more mundane, the family is gone a bit crazy with the wedding and various shenanigans, as all families do. Looking at what my cousin is going though, I’d rather not trot down the same path if I have a choice.

Friends alternate between driving me crazy with their inexplicable behavior, being their merry selves and blindsiding me with some funky-ass insight. What I am discovering that the relationships that I value oftimes mean much less to others than it does to me. Somehow, I think I could be the last idiot on earth to realize this.

At times, everything is just too overwhelming and tiring. While I would like the luxury of not having to deal with all these issues, to detach and simply walk away, sometimes, I care too bloody much. Walking away is good because it cuts away your problem but it also leaves issues unresolved. Is it too selfish or confrontational to want to iron out differences? I am not proud of how I handle my issues but I am learning. And hell, no one is right all the time. In a perfect world (or at least the world I imagine), things would find a way of working out.

Thanks for biting me in the ass, idealism.

In my line of work, I make plenty of acquaintances but few ever become closer friends. Those who are, I’ve known for a really long time but sadly, that’s not how everyone works. On one hand, people who you thought would behave in one way surprise you by suddenly running away from problems, people who never usually speak up can suddenly offer insight that I’ve never even considered.

It is interesting and sometimes wrenching to see how acquaintances slowly turn into friends and for some friends to become mere acquaintances. I really hate this but it’s an inevitable part of life.

In contrast, what’s amusing to observe and go through is how we are all changing, or rather, growing up. Where some friends have been content to drift along with the times or pretend that they are still teenagers (and there will always be one or two who think so), it is heartening to how the majority are now putting more effort into building a better future for themselves. I mean, can you imagine living like a carefree teenager at 30? Not having a care in the world and just going along because you are too lazy to do anything? Hell NO.

Almost everyone is now investing time, money and effort into improving their lives – and it’s no longer just about defining status it’s about fulfilling an internal wish to be happy or at least content, even if we don’t know what the heck we want to do next.

My resolution, is to manage my expectations (among a host of other exciting things)…and yeah, eventually, let go of things that I cannot change – which is usually easier written than done.

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Anonymous said...

Shrake, i think we can still feel and be like teenagers, while pursuing better lives! :) Everyone needs some bit of la la :)

Bitchy Witchy said...

Feel like a teenager, yes. BE like a teenager, no - because you'll be called a 'lao hiao' and be subject to much snickering both in front of and behind your back. Stricly for fools and then some, I says...

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Ever prodded a sleeping dragon, only to have it whip up and bite you in the ass? Well, neither have I. But I advocate that you should try everything...once ;P


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