It's one of those questions that always hover around but you are afraid to ask: Is he gay? Are they going out? Do you want to go out with me? Do you think I out on weight?

This is a ponder-y post that spun off from a discussion that I had with my big brother. The question: What type of guy are you looking for? My brother, being a well-travelled, well-worn type has a list that is similar to the six Cs that Singaporeans have and it seems to have worked quite well for him so far. The key to the list is that the items or traits within it are flexible. for example, one of the Cs is condominium. Now, it is not the end of the world if your current mate does not have one now. They can work towards it eventually.

But why do you want to live by a list? I demanded. Lists are limiting! I know people who've made such lists, who have insisted on living by it an eventually what happens? They become embittered by it because it forced them to seek only what was written down. Lists are good but people are inflexible enough to want to live by it and that's just a bloody shame, I huffed.

Lists help you define the type of mate you are looking for. He countered. Or else, how would you know that you've found the right one even if it bit you on the ass?

By sheer magic, of course! Came the smart-arsed response. My poor brother just dropped his head in his hands and sighed. Uh oh.

Well, it's not an exact science but I'll just know. The guys that I've gone out with have come from all over the place and while there were some real duds, there were also some guys who were real gems. Really great guys who would've made any woman's dreams but unfortunately, just not for me. Why? Well, but that’s another story for another time, children.

Honestly, I don't make lists because I'm afraid that I may just be like everyone else. The temptation to live by the list is just too strong to ignore. And I hate limiting my choices. I know what I want and well, I'm not afraid to go out and get it. I’m not good at beating around the bush and playing coy. I guess I'm one of those women that the Singapore government has been warning our male population about. I'm independent and self-aware with a dash of brass and a hint of irony and oftimes too opinionated and outspoken for my own good. In other words: scary and weird! What happened to the guys who could voice their opinion and give as good as they get? Did banter die out with chivalry?

Meanwhile, the discussion has come to an impasse and my brother needs a little more time to recover before we butt heads again. Stubbornness runs in the family.

As for me, I’ll keep my eye out for that guy. I guess I just have to ponder this one out, or I can get myself a pet...like a little rabbit or something.