My mood swings have never been a great thing but lately it seems to be getting worse. Why? This time around it's work frustrations.

I recently had a conversation with my immediate superior about work-life in general and while nothing mind-blowing was brought up, it gave me the opportunity to air my frustrations. And heck, there is quite a list. As everyone around me probably knows, I'm one of those insane people who usually enjoys their work. For me, doing something that I enjoy and do well brings tremendous satisfaction.

But increasingly I find that work pressure, particularly pressure that comes from the people above procrastinating on important projects and the posessing the inability to decide just drives me nuts! And the kicker of it all is that they will turn around and blame YOU for it. You are the slow, lazy one. YOU are the bad writer. YOU cannot meet deadlines. YOU this, YOU that...and never them. Sometimes I wonder, have they ever stopped to think that perhaps they are the problem? Why NOoooo, because, THEY are perfect...THEY believe that they are the BEST. They are the boss. Things get even more exciting when they are asked to make decisions. And for the first time in my working career, a superior actually says, out loud and in a team meeting...well, I don't know, you decide.

Elo? Who is the fucking boss here? If we can choose, it would be to get rid of the boss cos we sure as hell were a happier, more productive bunch last year without one.

Here's another career first: when superiors critique my work, the writing always comes back stronger, sharper and snappier. This time around it comes back wordier, lengthier and clunkier...WTF???!!! I am not writing thesis or university textbooks! I've always taken editing to mean that the work submitted will be somehow improved and have prided myself in being open to constructive criticism but this is absolutely ridiculous, why? Because she'll deliberately NOT tell me where it is...just that it's simply there and no, it's not her job to do my work. Wait, aren't bosses put there to guide? @#!@$$%$%$%^!!!

Approvals take forever and while I can appreciate the need to perfect everything before publication, do we really need to drag production of a simple newsletter for 6 months and then blame the writer? Or drag collateral production for months on end? The management has noticed that although the team got larger, we are not producing. All we have is a giant talking head. But have they ever stopped to ask why? Do they look at how absurd it is to get things approved? To get things moving? To even do anything? People are moping around for god's sake! Ask the people.

I do I step back and assess the situation. Yes, the boss is in a high pressure situation, the job is extremely demanding and requires a lot of hard work. I see the high pressure and know that demands are constant and peers are always looking to see you fall. That said, you'd think that the person will be humble enough to heed the advice and offer of help from the people who've been there? Never! Hell will freeze over again before she stoops to our lowly levels. I do make exceptions, I try very hard to understant. Hell, I should know, I have raised two kids, cared for a home, worked full time and studied all at the same time. Exceptions, I will make. Understand I will but no one can excuse things all the time. This is work! Sympathy or what I have of it, just flies out the window after that.

I am very aware that although my immediate superior has the unenvied position of being sandwiched and pushed like crazy on both sides, I cannot help but be selfish. Look, no one is ever going to come up to me and go poor baby, let me make it all better. I, and only I have a say in how I want to run my life. Sure there are the surrounding people and affecting circumstances but in all reality, I choose. I decide. I protect. I am terribly realistic that way. And I will not allow anyone to push, trample or try to tear down all my hard work just because they wish to make themselves look or feel better.

In the end, I told my immediate superior that yes, I will pull up my socks and slog for the greater good, the good life, work for the company and all that good stuff - honestly, I will. This place has fantastic development opportunities. But we'll see how long my patience will last before someone gets stomped on. Usually not for very long, as many will attest to. I guess now we'll wait and see.