Hold your own, know your name and go your own way

Part 1 - Yes, this is a damn long post
Personal values vs other’s perceptions which one would you hold on to when it comes down to the crunch?

I recently left a job that I really liked to move into greener pastures. While things were all fine and dandy (well as fine as they can be) at first, reality began to set in a few years ago with changes in management. It is surreal. Somehow it feels like I went home one night and work up in the middle of Survivor. I was almost voted off the island by some really sneaky backstabbers. I was like...'Hold the presses! Weren’t we all here to work?' How in the hell did I end up as a cast member of Survivor?

The situation that I was flung into made me realize one thing: I didn’t work so hard to be voted off the island by assholes who are building their own alliances or empires. I worked for me, to improve and build on my skillset. I chose to leave the island because it no longer offered opportunities for me – the island only offered those opportunities to the people who grovel and chose to be sheep. I’m sorry, but I’ve worked too long and too hard for all this bullshit. Yes, politics are played on all sorts of fields but when flimsy excuses were given to me to build a case, I decided it was best to move – for my personal esteem and also for my well-being. My clients liked me and my work and that was good enough, right? Apparently not. Apparently not playing ball is a strict no-no. You can’t just work here; you have to be part of ‘the system’. It’s ok. I’m gone. I’m also gratified to hear that one of the backstabbers is suffering in my place. Well, that is karma for you, dickhead.

Well, not everything is bad on the island. What I will miss the most are the people who have grown with me. There are always some good eggs and these people I will cherish. We went through a lot and that is invaluable to me. I hope you survive, guys.

Part 2 - Bear with me, can?
The next incident is something that is giving me pause for a cause is about a good friend of mine whose tumultuous love-life was always a question. Now, not all relationships are smooth but this one is amazing. It started when he introduced us to one of the prickliest women around. Said woman didn’t leave a good impression on us as a group but no matter...he proceeded to break up and make up with her a number of times over the course of the year. All the while saying that he needed space, a steady job, he is not ready for a serious commitment and wanting to find himself.

That he was unsure about this woman is one thing. A blind man could tell that she loved him – she clings onto him like a koala to the eucalyptus. He and I had a few heart-to-heart chats and really, this boy has no idea what was about to hit him. What he didn’t realize was how tenacious the woman was. Everyone else had a wager as to how quickly she would get him to the altar. Her speed is breathtaking.

So imagine my surprise upon my return from a fantastic holiday in Phuket when I heard that he was to be legally married. This weekend. Well knock me to the floor and kick me.

I’m a straightforward person and I immediately text him to ask if she was pregnant. Honestly, what else would make a guy literally zip to the altar? He said no...hookay. As you say, hoss. I’m shocked and amazed that he is suddenly plunging into this and in his own words ‘right timing, best person’. He also asked ‘don’t you and I want someone who loves us? She loves me a lot so that makes me really privileged.’ Sounds like bullshit to my ears. Of course I want someone to love me, but, I have to like the person somewhat too, right? Hey, if I wanted unconditional love, I’d get a dog.

What happened to I’m not ready? During the length of our sms conversation, or even during our longer chats, I realized one important thing. Never once did he mention that he even liked this woman or that she simply made him happy. He mentioned guilt at having someone love him so much, he mentioned privilege but never that he reciprocated the feelings.

What galls me is that he never told any of his close friends that he was getting married. We heard it all from 3rd party sources. Yes, so he has made his decision and no one’s going to talk him out of it but I just hope he knows what he is doing. His blasé-ness about this entire marriage worries me. Yes, so the woman is getting what she wants but he seems to neglect his own needs. Call it cynicism but give it a few years and suddenly the Married but Available syndrome will set in. I hope that I am wrong.

Now, maybe it is presumptuous of me to assume that I would get an invite to the post wedding lunch a month later but even now, I’m wondering if I should even go and how the hell am I supposed to extend my congratulations without rolling my eyes. How in the hell can I pretend to be happy for something so bizarre? Would going to the wedding and paying lip service mean that I am being a hypocrite and celebrating what I believe as a mistake? There goes the personal values vs other’s perceptions thing. Perhaps there is no right way of doing this after all, just the way that I deal with it.

What I do know is that all this is beyond my reach and I hope that he knows or is aware what else is in store for him. Making your bed and lying in it never felt so real before.

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Ever prodded a sleeping dragon, only to have it whip up and bite you in the ass? Well, neither have I. But I advocate that you should try everything...once ;P


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