I honestly don't know what's gotten into me. These days it's a hard fight between constantly wanting to kill myself and just not having enough time to do stuff - to rest, continue with hobbies, actually meet people on time...you name it, I've probably skipped it.

Things have kind of died down with the end of one of the most painful media events that I ever had the luck of being a part of. On the whole, the event was pretty good but things got really hairy for me this time because I let them. Yes, idiotic as it sounds, I just let things get to me - took stuff too hard and in general, went a little crazy. But how the heck do you deal with things? If you show too much emotion, they say you're a crybaby or whiner. If you do not show enough emotion, you are indifferent or have an attitude. So how to win? At times, I brave through some of these altercations at work looking stony and trying my drandest not to roll my eyes...or laugh. Cos we all know that the laughing will kill ya.

So how now brown cow?

Comfortingly enough, there are people at work who are a whole lot nicer and willing to help out when things get really insane, so to that extent, I'm lucky. As most places do, we also have our very own support and bitch network where egos are soothed and assholes are verbally eviscerated. All while getting substiantially drunk - ahhh...a place and people after my own heart :o)

Unfortunately for me, what I need the most and can't really seem to get at this point in time is recovery period. You know the feeling - when you've been through the wringer and all you want to do is lie down? Over the last few weeks, close friends and family have heard me whine incessantly over everything and how tragic my life is - frankly, it's too much for both them and me to handle. But it's an outlet to let go...Somehow, I have to find some in-spi-a-ration to keep going for this period of time. Because it'll really suck to give things up half way...I'm stubborn like that. But I'm prepared too - if things don't work out then I'll have to think of alternatives...options, there are always options.

But well, as the song goes "I don't mind/As long as there's a bed beneath the stars that shine/I'll be fine, if you give me a minute, a man's got a limit/I can't get a life if my heart's not in it"...So, I'm not a man but you know what I mean.

Well, we'll have to wait and see then, don't we?