Last Post On The Bugle

Well, my time in Ang Mo Kio is finally over and I'm now due for a short home vacation before starting on a new path in my career. While the time spent here has been an interesting one, it's also kind of a bittersweet ending for me.

For one, I found that just working and existing is not enough. I want to be in control of my career and also make a difference to people - I am idealistic this way. It's taught me that although politics is an essential part of any working culture, you are ultimately working for yourself. Therefore, you have to be strong enough to believe in youself and lead with conviction before anyone else will buy into you. You have to be self-assured, motivated and ambitious; and tough enough to stand your ground when faced with adversity. I've learnt that a tough hide comes with practice, that not everyone is working toward the same goals. To this end, I am thankful for all the challenges that I've faced, for without them, I would never have pushed myself to where I am now.

The good thing about working here? I've worked with one of the best teams and office manager ever. People who are so cohesive that they will drop anything to help during events, a person who can at times be seen to perform miracles, people from around the region who will come through for you no matter how ridiculous the deadlines and people from around the world who have, ultimately helped me to grow as a person; you've made me realize that the world is much bigger than just me.
To everyone here - Thank you so much for you r friendship and support. For being there during the most ridiculous times, for coming up with the most fantastical ideas and for laughing when things get stupid. For your unending spirit, even when we had to work till 5am and get ready for the event at 8am. You guys are the top class and I wish you all the best!

When the time finally came to say goodbye and leave, I had conflicting emotions. It was a sense of relief combined with overwhelming exhaustion. Like I've run a 10km race or just finished a bout of sparring. It was very unusual as all I felt was tired, even when I met up with friends later - I almost left them to go home...all I felt was tired. I usually love a good party and these feelings were so unusual for me. Deep down, it could be the culmination of the work and personal events that's been happening over the last few weeks. I guess next week is a good time to recuperate and take some personal time out.

I recently came across an old horoscope assessment that I did some time back and I was a little taken aback by what I read. Now, I know that we should not be believing in such claptrap but I some parts of it did ring true. I'll share:

'You are a freedom-loving, strong-willed, and independent-minded individual, and you insist upon living your own life as you see fit, even if that means ignoring convention and tradition. In personal relationships you cannot be owned or possessed, and while you are willing to share yourself with another, you do not always adjust easily to the emotional give and take of a close relationship. Though intellectually open, you can be enormously stubborn, opinionated, and inflexible on a one-to-one level. You have strong convictions and feelings about fairness and equality, and you try to live by your ideals, but your ideals about how people SHOULD treat one another don't always take into account human weaknesses, differences, and needs. You probably dislike sentimentality and traditional gender roles and "games".

Some of the above statements are true and it'll take a bigger person to see me as a whole package rather than just some parts...and yes, I am bloody opinionated, stubborn and at times, terribly inflexible. I've been bitten, hurt and upset by my ideals so many times that it can be disillusioning but sometimes all it takes is just one person or one act of kindness to reaffirm some of it. The reading went on to say:

"Clear, objective, and realistic, you are unimpressed by exaggerated claims or promises. You insist upon being shown facts to back up any statement you hear, and your natural skepticism often borders on cynicism. You approach problems clearly and rationally and maintain your poise and objectivity even in the midst of critical situations. Anyone seeking your advice is certain to get an unemotional and unbiased assessment of their situation, and you therefore make a good arbitrator or judge. You are thorough, conscientious, and disciplined in your thinking, and have an aptitude for business, organization, and administration. You are also a good strategist, and will plan and patiently follow a realistic course which will lead to your eventual success. Serious-minded and studious, you enjoy quiet time alone for thinking or reading"

While I admit to having many flights of fancy, in the end, I am a realist. While I may want things to turn out differently, sometimes I just know where it'll end up. I like facts and I like a good challenge but I don't take to bullshit too well. I tend to deal with it in the most abrasive and unexpected ways. I may prefer to observe but at times, my mouth tends to get the better of me.

This has been a trying time but in the end, it is also the close of one good chapter and the beginning of a new one. Sigh, sometimes I wish that certain parts of my life can be so easily compartmentalized but feelings won't just go away overnight. I'm ok, I just need to ponder through a few things and hopefully see some light.

"I ain't lookin' for praise or pity, I ain't comin' 'round searchin' for a crutch, I just want someone to talk to. And a little of that Human Touch. Just a little of that Human Touch." - Bruce Springsteen

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Ever prodded a sleeping dragon, only to have it whip up and bite you in the ass? Well, neither have I. But I advocate that you should try everything...once ;P
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