Batman, Oh Batman, wherefore art thou?

Yesterday, I had the miniscule pleasure of catching the annual Christmas show at the Raffles City shopping centre.

In Singapore, it is some sort of Christmas tradition to have the malls put up special shows at the end of the year to entertain the kiddies. Me, I think it's an evil plot to drain the parents out of every single cent they have...Mwahahaha. Which is why each year, millions of Singaporeans ferry their kids to various malls in the city and suburbia to catch show after mindless show. See Barney waddle! See the Power Puff Girls scream and flail! See a bunch of M&Ms prance around like idiots! Watch men in tights pretend to fight monsters! So it was only a matter of time before they had the Dark Knight appear in all his new muted glory on stage.

The Raffles City show seems to grow in scale over the years. When I was a chubby teenager working a retail vacation job, it was Mickey Mouse and Hello Kitty - gawd, I honestly dunno how kids can actually like a cat without a's freaky and macabre. But that's another grouse for another day...

So anyways, I walked into the mall with the intention of buying Potter tickets at an IMAX theatre when I was drawn to the garish song and dance spectacle at the atrium. It had the usual, big sets, host on steroids, dancers as well as a bunch of adults looking towards the ceiling...What, is this some new pastime for Singaporeans? Glancing at the ceiling? Heh...After a couple seconds delay - have been in a half battery mode for the entire week - I realized that we were all waiting for Batman to make an entrance. Ooooo....

So, like 100 people wait, and wait with bated breath and phone cameras poised to click. 2 mins...5 mins...10 mins...meanwhile the dancers are still going, the music swells to a crescendo and the host maniacally screams, Batman, come save us!!! (From what? You? Oh pooi...!) And then, suddenly a spotlight appears and focuses towards the third floor...we see feet, we see rubber...we see Batman! As he has his first battle of the night - fighting to untangle himself from the confines of his blasted cape! See, those Pixar guys had it right after all...capes are a fucking threat to superheroes.

Then he swoops down three floors to the delight of the kiddies, some gasping women (I mean, halo?) and the insane phone camera people. Da, da, daaaaa...Pow! A burst of confetti bats and then he...well, uh tries to unharness himself. Sigh, all the romance of having Batman swoop down to save the day simply dies with all the amusing glitches ;o) Then he preens at the front of the stage and strides back and this time, yours truly almost falls to the floor in boredom and the utter idiocy of the show and promptly strides off for a jamban break...farking hell, I wasted like 20 mins for this? Stupid show, stupid Batman, stupid me...the stupid list just adds on. Now if I had to have Batman swoop down and save me, it had better be Christian Bale. Batsuit optional...Oh, hello, hello, hello!

This week was like being in a constant fugue state. Sometimes I have moments of utter clarity, like during meetings and sometimes I am so out of'll take bloody minutes or a DAY for me to understand a simple story concept. I apologise to all parties who've tried to speak to me and got a glazed look in return.

And to top it off, the IMAX tickets for Potter was sold out! And we got lost finding the Discovery Centre! And Lyn got married! I had the most annoying dance partner ever! ...And then, and then...fark. I need a relaxing weekend. Witchy. Out.

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Ever prodded a sleeping dragon, only to have it whip up and bite you in the ass? Well, neither have I. But I advocate that you should try everything...once ;P


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