Ready, steady...

Recently I started seeing someone who came across pretty interesting.  We both love movies and the conversations have been easy. Date one went great, quick beery meet, chat about ourselves and some likes. All easy breezy. 

Date two and somehow the guy decides to outline his plan of having kids, building his empire, moving away from Singapore and whatnot – within the next five years. He asks if I am ready to do that with him.

*runs screaming for the hills*

I know that I am certainly not getting any younger but seriously, on date two? What's the rush? Do you do this to all your dates? I haven’t even made up my mind to see if I want to continue dating you!  The panicked moment made me realise a few things: (1) I am not ready to jump into just any relationship blindly (2) the idea that someone who is so ready to get married and settle down so quickly terrifies me.

Being in a relationship means more than nights at the movies or hanging out in each other’s home. You also have to be attracted and comfortable enough with each other to be yourselves. It is a process of discovery that comes with a level of acceptance and open communication. In this instance, I was still unsure about things and was not comfortable enough to totally be myself.  Constantly being asked if I wanted to take the next step didn’t help. What’s with all the pressure? Back off, dude!

As for the 2nd point, he was all ready to settle down, I am not - I barely even know the man! When I voiced this opinion, his response was ‘but you want a family, right?’ Then he proceeds to laugh my concerns off, saying that I am simply afraid of taking the next step. That is not the case. I realize that he was outlining his goals but in doing so, I felt pressured to do the same. For the first time in a long time, things felt wrong.  I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt but he kept asking if I wanted to take things forward.  I was also uncomfortable because I don’t have such concrete plans and it felt like it didn’t matter what I said or did, he just wanted things his way.

In the end, I nipped things in the bud because I just couldn’t see myself with this person. Add that to the constant pressure of wanting to settle down and waving off my concerns. It’s not something that I take lightly. I believe in taking time out to know someone but at the same time, in ending things quickly if they don’t feel right. Why prolong the pain?

Well, back to the drawing board for me.  I guess, I’m more sceptical when it comes to relationships now, but it is one way of not having my heart broken again.

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4 comments:

Mike said...

it takes alot of courage to decide on what you did, whether you realise it or not.

kudos for being firm, brave and most of all..honest to yourself!

Bitchy Witchy said...

Thanks Mike, the episode made me think about what I really want in my relationships. And how I put myself forward to people. It's an ever learning curve but somehow we will get there!

Ashley said...

Great post!

Bitchy Witchy said...

Thanks Ashley!

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Ever prodded a sleeping dragon, only to have it whip up and bite you in the ass? Well, neither have I. But I advocate that you should try everything...once ;P
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