Little by little

Just what is it about modern relationships that make things so much more complicated today?

Relationships, regardless of who they are forged with are always complicated but these days, things get even more screwed up when you throw sex into the mix. In more innocent times, relationships used to begin with people getting to know each other first – there is always the introduction, group outings which later became single dates and lots of other dates before things went to, well, you get the point.

With all the gloss of TV, magazines and popular culture, people now have become more impatient. We see someone we like, we approach them and the next thing you know, humping like bunnies. We’re so impatient to get that guy/girl into bed that we neglect to see them for who they are or even stop to think for a moment. Yes, we all have needs but is that all that we are basing our lives on? Sure, there is post coital talk but what does that fulfil? It’s probably just politeness instead of just dressing bolting.

But then again, no matter how fast we hop into bed, there is always the getting-to-know-you process which is actually the more important part. Cos you do realize that no matter how great things are in bed, this other person may either be the best thing that ever happened to you or your worst nightmare. Complicated and takes a lot of work on both parts because there is a lot to discover but it may be worth it. But remember, just because you slept together does not mean that you are in a relationship. Don’t get grandiose ideas. It’s basically sex, with some pillow talk thrown in.

Therein lies the difficult do you convert this into a relationship? I for one haven’t the foggiest. In all honesty, I’ve been in this situation and converting it is probably the hardest part. Even though it’s worked before, I still find it best to be prepared for anything...and I mean anything at all. Because sometimes it’s you who wants the relationship and sometimes it’s the other party. It’s at this juncture that you somehow have to start things from the beginning which is not an easy feat considering you have already seen the other party naked.

One more thing, even though you slept with the person, it does not mean that you know them, so be careful. I’ve had an experience where the other party simply chose not to tell me about their marital status. Later, he also chose to drop probably one of the biggest bombs on me and expected me to just buy it. Well, I’m far from stupid and while I may not be able to look into my crystal ball to predict such things happening (please don’t be stupid enough to tell me to like be more careful next time, because that would make you more of an idiot), I have learnt to be much more wary of people now.

To put it simply, I had no way of finding out, I asked all the questions and the other party just chose not to tell me the truth, yes, that one fucked up bastard but they made that decision. It damn near killed me...but I’m determined to move on.
So exercise caution. Don’t rush into something simply because it is the norm that everyone is in a relationship or that you are in a hurry cos of the ol’biological clock. If you have no idea what to do, say you have no idea, because, chances are, neither does the other party. I know it sounds stupid, but we’re crazy that way.

For these times, I rely on the people closest to me. I’ve learnt that there is no question that you can’t ask and nothing is stupid. The best part is, no one will think that you’re an ass or less of you. Sometimes to know something, you really have to approach your friends with your heart and you will never be turned away. Step by step, they can get you through anything. And that has got to be the best part :o)

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Ever prodded a sleeping dragon, only to have it whip up and bite you in the ass? Well, neither have I. But I advocate that you should try everything...once ;P


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